The Angry Therapist Podcast

In this episode, I walk through my past relationships and take ownership of the ways I’ve been unsafe.

I share specific moments - steamrolling my ex-wife with logic instead of empathy, making subtle body comments that landed harder than I understood, ending relationships abruptly, and moving on too quickly after a breakup. At the time, I justified a lot of it. Looking back, I see the impact.

I also talk about asking my current partner to tell me how I’ve made her feel unsafe over the past eight years. I held her, promised not to defend myself, and listened.

And I cried.

This isn’t about shame. It’s about ownership.

If you’re a man listening, the question isn’t “Am I a good guy?”It’s: Where have I been unsafe — and what would it mean to do better?

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most of us were never taught how to communicate in relationships.

So we react.

We defend.

We assume.

We build resentment.

In this solo episode, John reframes “communication” as something deeper: intimacy, attunement, and repair.

Because it’s not the conflict that destroys relationships — it’s the lack of repair.

John breaks down how to “fight without fighting,” including:

• Trying to understand before trying to be understood

• Naming your activation instead of attacking

• Taking ownership to create repair

• Setting intentional time to practice connection

• Using I statements and watching tone

• Using touch and body language to soften conflict

• Listening while considering your partner’s story

Healthy intimacy isn’t chemistry. It’s skill.

And every conflict is a chance to break a pattern — or repeat one.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, I answer your questions about breakups, expired relationships, and finding the courage to choose yourself.

We talk about how to let go when you’re struggling to accept it’s over, how to know if a relationship is worth saving, and what it really takes to leave. I also break down the real stages of a relationship, advice for your first one, and how to slow yourself down while dating.

This one is about self-trust, endings, and learning to stop clinging to what’s already expired.

Let’s get into it.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A breakup can feel like the end of everything. But what if it’s actually the beginning?

In this episode, John shares a deeply personal reflection on fear, identity, divorce, and what relationships are really meant to do in our lives. Inspired by a nostalgic moment listening to “Borderline” by Madonna, he explores how certain songs — and certain people — instantly transport us back to who we were.

John challenges the idea that you were supposed to be the hero in someone’s life. Maybe you were the bridge. And maybe they were a bridge for you.

He dives into:

• Why some relationships are meant to expire

• The truth about closure (and why it’s ongoing)

• How to stop outsourcing your worth to a partner

• The powerful question: Who am I without them?

• The difference between your pseudo self and solid self

• Why endings are not the opposite of beginnings

If you’re going through a breakup — or still carrying residue from one — this episode reframes the pain as instruction. Profound pain carries profound growth.

Breakups don’t just take something from you. They expose you to yourself.

Key Takeaway

Instead of asking why it ended, ask:

What was I outsourcing in this relationship that I now need to own?

That question alone can change everything.

Cultural Note

This episode references the song “Borderline” by Madonna as part of a personal reflection. All rights to the song belong to the respective copyright holders.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you tired of just surviving your past, feeling like old wounds dictate your present?

Imagine a life where emotional freedom isn't just a dream, but a daily reality. This video isn't about quick fixes; it's about the radical, yet gentle power of consistent habits to transform your deepest hurts into your greatest strengths.

🎙️ Host Links:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices