BigDeal

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My new book, Own Or Be Owned, is all about building a business so good it doesn't need you. More profit, less pain. It's out September 18, grab your ticket to the launch event here: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bigdeal-sexton -cs

You've been telling yourself the same story. That you need to work harder on your marriage. That you need to read more books, take more courses, find the perfect framework. Here's the truth: the only thing between you and the relationship you want is believing you need something you don't already have.

James Sexton is one of the world's most famous divorce attorneys who has represented clients in more than a thousand divorces. He's seen every way a marriage can fail and every pattern that predicts it.

In this episode, he breaks down the exact signs that a relationship is ending, why disconnection happens so slowly you don't even notice, and the simple daily habits that separate couples who last from couples who don't.

In this episode, you'll learn:

The sound of a dying marriage: why the tone of voice that says whatever or what reveals more than any argument ever could, and how contempt kills connection faster than cheating

Why babies don't cause divorce but disconnection does, and how the mental load of parenting makes couples forget that their love built the baby in the first place

The menu framework: how offering your partner options instead of expecting them to read your mind creates safety, and why asking do you need space or do you need to talk right now changes everything

Why men ask did you have sex with him and women ask do you love her, and what that reveals about how men and women experience betrayal completely differently

The eight mile strategy: how getting ahead of your own weaknesses in a relationship disarms defensiveness, and why showing your partner your flaws is the only way they can truly love you

___________

(00:00:00) Introduction: The Sound of a Marriage About to End
(00:01:33) The What Huh Whatever: How Contempt Kills Connection
(00:04:46) The Story Retelling Test: When Your Partner Becomes Boring
(00:05:57) The Spiral of Apathy: How Disconnection Happens Slowly Then All at Once
(00:07:16) The Text Message Strategy: 30 Seconds That Could Save Your Marriage
(00:10:15) The Eight Billion People Problem: Why Your Partner Is Your Favorite Person
(00:11:50) The Evidence Test: Cross-Examining Your Own Relationship
(00:15:24) Social Media and the Performative Self: Hashtag Blessed While Negotiating Divorce
(00:18:06) The Manual We Never Got: Why No One Teaches Us How to Love
(00:22:38) Babies and Disconnection: The Crisis That Pulls Couples Apart
(00:24:56) You Can't Pretend You Meant to Get Divorced: The Humility of Failure
(00:27:29) Men and Women Get Each Other Wrong: The Defensiveness Trap
(00:30:10) Creating Safe Space: Why Men Don't Tell You What You Don't Want to Hear
(00:34:46) Love Is Not Permanently Gifted, It's Loaned: The Fragility of Connection
(00:36:59) Cheating and Infidelity: The 70 Percent Reality
(00:39:56) Did You Have Sex With Him: How Men and Women Experience Betrayal Differently
(00:42:35) The Economy of Monogamy: What We Owe Each Other in a Committed Relationship
(00:47:32) The Imaginary Perfect Partner: Comparing Real People to Fantasy
(00:59:19) The Shaving Story: How You Ask the Question Dictates the Answer
(01:03:46) The Eight Mile Strategy: Owning Your Weaknesses Before They're Used Against You
(01:06:13) The Persuasion Principle: Great Advocacy Doesn't Look Like Advocacy
(01:10:57) A Good Lawyer Knows the Law, A Great Lawyer Knows the Judge
(01:14:27) The Menu Framework: Listening, Fixing, or Distraction
(01:17:48) Does Marriage Still Work: The 70 Percent Failure Rate Question
(01:19:45) Chapters in a Long Book: Reframing Divorce as Part of Your Story, Not Failure
(01:26:09) The Vulnerability Invitation: Showing Your Weaknesses So You Can Feel Real Love

___________

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My new book, Own Or Be Owned, is all about building a business so good it doesn't need you. More profit, less pain. It's out September 18, grab your ticket to the launch event here: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bigdeal-adelman -cs

You’ve been telling yourself the same story. That you need more money to start. That you need the perfect idea. That becoming a billionaire is either impossible or reserved for the lucky. Here’s the truth: the only thing between you and the wealth you want is believing you need something you don’t have.

David Adelman is a billionaire co-owner of the Philadelphia 76ers and investor in more than 90 companies. He built his empire from scratch by turning student housing from a mom and pop industry into a billion dollar asset class. In this episode, he breaks down how to spot great opportunities, structure deals where both sides win, and build wealth from the ground up without a silver spoon or trust fund.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why great deals are never great for one side and poor for the other, and how David's mentor taught him that terms matter infinitely more than price

The first million dollars framework: why it's harder to make your first million than your first billion, and how small wins beget big wins when you prove you can execute

Why you can't do a good deal with a bad person and keep them in the partnership, and how David learned this lesson the hard way when he let emotion kill a deal he should have closed

The #1 investing habit that separates billionaires from everyone else: bad news doesn't get better with time, and why David demands his operators punch him in the face with problems first before celebrating wins

How to become an entrepreneur in someone else's business, why service businesses like HVAC and plumbing are ripe for succession, and how David would get his first million if he had to start over at 25 with nothing

___________

(00:00:00) Introduction: You Can Be an Entrepreneur in Somebody Else's Business
(00:00:52) The LeBron James Deal: How to Close a Billion-Dollar Partnership
(00:01:51) It's Always About Terms, Never Just Price
(00:04:04) The Building I Didn't Buy: When Ego Kills the Deal
(00:05:48) Billionaires Come in All Shapes and Colors: The Ego Myth
(00:06:41) The Gravedancer and the Asset Class: How I Turned Student Housing Into Billions
(00:08:40) The $300 Million Raise: How Mom and Dad Paying Rent Became My Pitch
(00:10:33) Operational Alpha Over Leverage: Why Execution Beats Financial Engineering
(00:11:37) The $1,300 a Day Since Jesus Died Math: What It Actually Takes to Become a Billionaire
(00:17:17) Bad News Doesn't Get Better With Time: The Number One Management Rule
(00:19:09) The Owner Book Launch: How to Build a Business That Runs Without You
(00:20:16) The First Million Is Harder Than the First Billion
(00:21:14) Hiring Hundreds and Employing Tens of Thousands: The HR Reality
(00:23:42) The Back of the House Test: How to Tell if Your Operator Is Great
(00:23:51) Boring Businesses Are the Future: The Anti-AI Play
(00:37:47) The 30x Return: How Beatbox Became a Monster Exit
(00:40:20) Losing Millions to Fraud: What I Learned From Deals That Went to Zero
(00:41:34) The SBA Loan Default Rate: Why Buying Businesses Is Less Risky Than You Think
(00:44:04) Longevity and Peptides: The Next Frontier for Investment
(00:46:15) The Work From Home Tragedy: Why Showing Up Is the Ultimate Competitive Advantage
(00:50:53) The Apple Tax Lesson: How to Teach Your Kids About Money
(00:52:35) The Three to Four Year Rule: Why Family Can't Work for You Until They've Worked Somewhere Else
(00:54:16) Ask Questions or Stay Stupid: Why Curiosity Beats Intelligence
(00:59:13) The HVAC Succession Play: Where the Real Money Is Hiding
(01:03:48) Final Advice: Don't Look for a Million Dollars, Look for Education

___________

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My new book, Own Or Be Owned, is all about building a business so good it doesn't need you. That means MORE profit and LESS pain. It's out September 18, grab your ticket to the launch event here: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bigdeal-godin - cs

This episode breaks down the exact frameworks for building a business that makes money without you, why 70% of businesses never sell because of owner dependency, and the three paths every owner is on whether they know it or not. From the five lies that keep you chained to your desk to the embed, solve, exit method that frees your time while growing revenue, you'll learn how to engineer presence without dependence and why the real measure of success is whether your business runs better in the weeks you're not there.

In this episode, you'll learn:

The lifer gut check: five yes or no questions that reveal whether you're an owner or an inmate, and why three or more yeses means your business owns you, not the other way around

Why money only buys happiness when you trade it for time and autonomy, and how University of Pennsylvania research proved that happiness climbs past $200,000 with no ceiling for people whose lives already work

The three paths of ownership: freedom, domination, and escape, and why trying to chase all three at once is like going on a diet, a bulk, and a juice cleanse simultaneously

The five lies that keep owners stuck: I'll hire when we hit X, this quarter is the last hard one, I'm the only one who cares enough, my customers only want me, and it's not that bad

The embed, solve, exit framework: how to stand in the bottleneck, build the thing that replaces you, and leave the seat without taking it back the first time someone runs it at 80% of your standard

___________

(00:00:00) Introduction: The Vacation Test and Why Your Business Is Actually a Job
(00:01:04) The Tuesday or Funeral Test: Does Your Business Survive Without You?
(00:02:17) The 70% Dead Deal Problem: Why Most Businesses Never Sell
(00:03:49) The 75K Happiness Lie: What Money Actually Buys According to Science
(00:05:56) Money Amplifies Life: The University of British Columbia Time Study
(00:07:05) The Three Paths of Ownership: Freedom, Domination, or Escape
(00:08:50) You Can't Ride Two Horses with One Ass: The Path Audit
(00:10:51) The Five Lies That Keep You Chained: The Jailbreak Framework
(00:12:38) Embed, Solve, Exit: The Three-Word System to Free Yourself
(00:15:04) The 750K Sales Problem: Jimmy's Story and the Power of Systems
(00:17:14) Presence Without Dependence: Yvon Chouinard's MBA
(00:18:40) The Real CEO Job: Vision, Systems, and Delusional Optimism

___________

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📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/codiesanchez
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My new book, Own Or Be Owned, is all about building a business so good it doesn't need you. More profit, less pain. It's out September 18, grab your ticket to the launch event here: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bigdeal-godin - cs

And one more thing for the business owners: stop making million dollar decisions alone! Join the Contrarian Growth Boardroom and get a board of advisors to help with every decision: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bdbr

The only thing between you and the life you want is the story you’ve been telling yourself. Seth Godin is one of the most influential thinkers of our time and the author of 21 bestselling books, including Purple Cow, Linchpin, and The Dip. He survived 800 rejection letters in a single year, has published a blog post every day for 26 years, and has spent decades helping people escape mediocrity. In this episode, he shares the frameworks for getting unstuck, why the best winners know when to quit, and how to untangle the invisible beliefs holding you back.

In this episode, you'll learn:

The four horsemen of mediocrity: deniability, helplessness, contempt, and fear, and the habits that quietly keep you stuck

How Seth turned 800 rejection letters into a competitive advantage by offering value instead of asking for favors

Why the best work is made for people who care, not everyone

The Jackson Pollock trap, why wanting two conflicting things keeps you stuck, and how to escape it

Why great leaders seek responsibility instead of authority, and how to lead yourself first

___________

(00:00:00) Introduction: Why Most People Choose Mediocrity Over Meaning
(00:00:55) The Craft Ethic: 26 Years of Daily Blog Posts and Why Habits Beat Willpower
(00:03:55) Strategic Quitting: Winners Are Quitters When It Matters
(00:05:43) 800 Rejection Letters in One Year: The Truth About Rejection and Iteration
(00:09:38) Feedback Loops Are Everything: Stop Measuring What Mark Zuckerberg Wants
(00:12:11) High School Is the Indoctrination: How to Tell If Your Desires Are Actually Yours
(00:13:49) Thank You, It's Not For You: The Power of Ignoring the Wrong People
(00:14:37) Personal Statements Over Mission Statements: Define Your One Thing
(00:16:20) The Seven-Year-Old Bully Story: How to Insulate Yourself From Criticism
(00:18:48) The Four Horsemen of Mediocrity: Deniability, Helplessness, Contempt, and Fear
(00:23:00) Work That Matters for People Who Care: The Mantra That Cures Mediocrity
(00:25:03) The Industrial Age Brought Compliance and Compliance Brought Fear
(00:27:04) Managers Use Authority, Leaders Inspire Enrollment: Know the Difference
(00:29:08) Lead Yourself First: How to Get Yourself to Change Your Mind
(00:31:59) Optimism Is a Tool, Not a Personality: Put On the Right Hat at the Right Time
(00:33:40) The Conspiracy of Stuck: Short-Term Conflict Avoidance and Misunderstanding Risk
(00:37:56) You Can't Spell Rich Without Risk: The 18 Dollar Garage Sale Test
(00:39:13) If No One Comes, No One Will Know: Seth's Mom and the Museum Story
(00:41:44) Jackson Pollock and the And Versus But Trap: Why Success Can Break You
(00:44:19) Create Things Just For You or You'll End Up Like Pollock
(00:48:14) The Smallest Viable Audience: 24 Seats, Filipino Pop Songs, and Enough
(00:51:13) Entanglements Feel Like Facts But They're Just Invisible Traps
(00:52:31) Tell the Truth and Entanglements Wither: The Three Words That Set You Free
(00:54:01) Writer's Block Is a Myth and Resistance Is Everywhere: Steve Pressfield's Gift
(00:55:27) The Red Wine Story: You Just Don't Have a Big Enough Why
(00:57:05) Comfortable Is Another Word for Stuck: Build New Habits, Not Willpower
(00:58:54) I Am Playing the Role of Seth Godin: The Yellow Glasses Come Off
(01:00:41) Set Up a Life You Don't Need to Escape From: The Alexander the Great Parable
(01:03:07) The Four AM Hotel Lobby: Look at Those Poor Schmoes Escaping Their Lives
(01:04:45) Problems Can Be Solved, Situations Cannot: The Final Word on Getting Unstuck

___________

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My new book, Own Or Be Owned, is all about building a business so good it doesn't need you. More profit, less pain. It's out September 18, grab your ticket to the launch event here: https://contrarianthinking.biz/manifestation - cs

You've been visualizing success. Watching the vision board. Repeating the affirmations. Trusting the universe to deliver. Here's the truth: the more vividly you fantasize about success, the worse you perform. And the science proves it.

The Secret sold 30 million copies by promising that if you visualize wealth hard enough, the universe will deliver it. But two decades of research shows the opposite. NYU psychologists tracked college graduates and found that students who spent the most time in positive fantasies about their dream jobs sent out fewer applications, got fewer offers, and earned lower salaries two years later. Your brain books the fantasy as a partial payment on the real thing, giving you the reward before you've done the work. Manifestation isn't fuel. It's anesthesia.

This episode breaks down the exact frameworks elite builders use instead, why Buddhist monks sit with decaying bodies to rehearse death, and the three anti-manifestation moves that turn goals into reality. From the Stoic practice of premeditation of evils to the WHOOP method that doubles your odds of success, you'll learn why imagining failure makes you stronger and how to engineer systems that make your obituary impossible.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why NYU research proves that positive fantasies kill performance and how students who visualized success earned 24 pounds less in weight loss studies and lower salaries than peers who confronted reality

The five step anti-manifestation practice: write your business obituary, name what caused the death, run the survival check, extract the system, and put it on the calendar quarterly

The Stockdale Paradox: why optimists died in Vietnam POW camps and how brutal faith in the destination plus brutal honesty about the path is what separates winners from wishful thinkers

Why announcing goals out loud makes you quit 33% faster and how premature applause becomes a paycheck your brain cashes before the work exists

The WHOOP framework: Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan, and how this method doubles your odds of hitting goals by naming the exact moment resistance shows up and engineering the if-then response in advance

And one more thing for the business owners: stop making million dollar decisions alone! Join the Contrarian Growth Boardroom and get a board of advisors to help with every decision: https://contrarianthinking.biz/bdbr

___________

00:00 Introduction: The Secret Sold 30 Million Lies and Science Proves It

01:10 The NYU Study: Why the Best Visualizers Earned Less and Got Fewer Jobs

04:04 Your Brain Books the Fantasy as Payment: The Blood Pressure Experiment

04:52 Rehearse the Funeral: The 2000-Year-Old Buddhist Practice of Mindfulness of Death

07:04 The Five-Step Anti-Manifestation System: Write Your Business Obituary

10:21 The Stockdale Paradox: Optimists Died in Prison and Realists Survived

11:52 Jeff Bezos Told Investors 70 Percent Chance of Total Failure

12:53 Swap the Movie: Visualize the Process, Not the Outcome

13:58 Swap the Audience: Shut Up and Stop Announcing Your Goals

16:02 Swap the Oracle: Ask the Market for Receipts, Not the Universe for Vibes

20:29 The WOOP Method: Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan

21:25 The Future Belongs to People Who Face the Funeral and Build Anyway

___________

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🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@podcastbigdeal

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bigdeal.podcast

📽️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@big.deal.pod

MORE FROM CODIE SANCHEZ

🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@codiesanchezct

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/codiesanchez

📽️ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@realcodiesanchez

OTHER THINGS WE DO

🌐 Our community: https://contrarianthinking.typeform.com/to/WBztXXID

📰 Free newsletter: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3XWLlZp

📚 Biz buying course: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3NhjGgN

🏠 Resibrands: https://resibrands.com/

💰 CT Capital: https://contrarianthinking.biz/4eRyGOk

🏦 Main St Hold Co: https://contrarianthinking.biz/3YfGa8u
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices