The Self-Driven Child

• Stress Relief vs. Stress Release: What We All Need In Anxious Times

  Hey folks, Ned here. If you’ve ever felt like life’s got you underwater—like you’re just barely catching your breath before the next wave crashes in—this one’s for you. In this episode, I sit down with my dear friend, partner, and co-author Dr. William Stixrud to talk about something that’s more relevant now than ever: how we actually relieve stress—not just dodge it.We unpack the critical difference between stress relief (those momentary escapes) and stress release (the tools that really let the pressure out), and why both are necessary. We also dive into practices that help us become non-anxious presences for our kids, and how that calm can be just as contagious as stress. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, social connection, or just laughing with friends, we explore the science-backed ways to bring your nervous system back online and show up for your family with clarity and calm. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Introduction and announcement of the new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child[1:39] - That overwhelmed feeling—why so many of us are barely staying afloat[3:12] - Stress relief vs. stress release: what’s the difference and why it matters[5:39] - Coping methods kids use—and why many of them are just avoidance strategies[7:32] - The trouble with short-term fixes like weed and excessive screen time[8:31] - Real stress release through exercise, baking, and yes—carrot cake[10:15] - How parents’ stress regulation directly impacts their children[11:38] - Two paths to calm: cognitive reframing and physiological practices[14:42] - Radical acceptance—how shifting our mindset reduces suffering[16:31] - The vital role of calm people and community in weathering storms[20:08] - Emergency stress relief: laughter, singing, deep breathing, and movement[22:50] - The power of consistent practices like meditation and gratitude[25:57] - Final thoughts: combining cognitive, physiological, and social strategies for real resilience If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

  --------  

  29:50

  --------

  29:50
• Wise Effort with Diana Hill

  We all want our kids to thrive—not just survive the pressure of school, sports, and life. But let’s be honest, it’s not easy. Too often we fall back into the same old habits, even when we know better. That’s why I was so excited to sit down with two incredible people: my friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud, and psychologist Dr. Diana Hill. Diana’s new book Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most shows us that our kids—and we parents too—don’t have to choose between doing well and being well.In this conversation, we dig into what it means to use our energy wisely, how to recognize and nurture “genius energy” in ourselves and our children, and why psychological flexibility might just be the most important skill we can teach and model. If you’ve ever felt like your family is running full speed but not sure you’re heading in the right direction, this episode will speak to you. Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Kicking things off: why Bill and I created The Self-Driven Child Workbook [1:08] – Diana’s story of strawberries, watercolor, and the uniqueness of every child [2:53] – Introducing my guests: Dr. Bill Stixrud and Dr. Diana Hill [4:23] – Diana explains ACT and Buddhist principles as foundations for Wise Effort [6:27] – What “genius energy” really means and why it matters for kids and parents [9:01] – Helping kids see their strengths beyond grades and sports [10:10] – Practicing “watering flowers”: appreciating kids for who they are [13:51] – Bill shares how affirming kids’ strengths changes lives [16:08] – The three-part framework of Wise Effort: curiosity, openness, and focus [19:21] – Why psychological flexibility is essential for kids and parents [22:22] – Pain and values: two sides of the same coin [24:51] – How values-driven goals outperform standard “SMART” goals [27:51] – Genius + values = the sweet spot of wise effort [30:17] – Family chores as a practice of genius and values in action [32:42] – Making the most of limited time with our kids—before the runway ends [33:21] – How meaningful activities actually expand our sense of time [35:11] – A moving story of Daniel, a father with cancer, learning to invest in presence [37:37] – Final reflections: helping parents and kids feel better and do better Links & Resources:https://drdianahill.com/ Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most by Dr. Diana HillIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

  --------  

  42:45

  --------

  42:45
• Dream School: Finding the College That's Right for You

  In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down once again with my good friend and New York Times bestselling author Jeff Selingo. You probably know Jeff from his book Who Gets In and Why, which cracked open the mysterious college admissions process. But now, he’s back with a powerful new guide, Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You.We explore the realities behind the college admissions frenzy—the pressures, the myths, and the real indicators of student success. Jeff and I dive deep into why so many students and families narrow their college lists too soon, how prestige bias and community pressure shape decision-making, and what really matters when it comes to finding the best college fit. Whether you're a parent, student, educator, or just curious about higher education, this episode is a roadmap to cutting through the noise and focusing on what will actually help kids thrive. Episode Highlights:[1:55] - Welcoming back Jeff Selingo and his new book Dream School [3:41] - Unpacking the narrative arc from elite admissions to finding fit [5:27] - Why students and parents fixate on prestige and how that narrows options [7:40] - Grade inflation and the overconfidence trap [10:44] - Why balanced college lists matter more than ever [13:49] - Conformist bias and how schools like Archer are challenging the status quo [16:38] - Misconceptions around adding more "backup" schools [18:21] - Is college worth it? A nuanced look at ROI and student outcomes [23:06] - Why regional job markets matter more than college name [26:45] - The value of being a "big fish" at a smaller school [30:56] - Faculty incentives, mentorship, and why engagement matters [34:50] - Hands-on learning and mentors as keys to student success [37:09] - How to spot signs of strong faculty engagement on campus visits [41:23] - Belonging uncertainty and how it affects student retention [45:47] - First-year programming that fosters connection and success [46:59] - Extracurriculars as a path to discovery, not just admissions [49:59] - Bringing joy back to the college search [51:55] - Finite vs. infinite games and redefining what college is really aboutLinks & Resources:·         Jeff Selingo's new book: Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You·         College Scorecard: https://collegescorecard.ed.gov ·         National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE): https://nsse.indiana.edu ·         The Craziest Year Ever in College Admission with Jeff Selingo: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-craziest-year-ever-in-college-admission-with/id1676859533?i=1000650463806 ·         Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/who-gets-in-and-why-with-jeff-selingo/id1676859533?i=1000613195766  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

  --------  

  57:45

  --------

  57:45
• Your Child Is Ready For College. Are You?

  Hey folks, Ned here! In this episode, I sit down once again with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud for a candid, real-world conversation not just about whether your kid is ready for college—but whether you are too. While we’ve talked before about student readiness, today we focus on the parent side of the equation.We dive deep into the emotional rollercoaster of sending a kid off to college—especially that first semester. From managing your own stress and expectations to shifting your role from fixer to consultant, we cover the principles that help young adults step up while helping parents step back (without losing their minds). Whether your teen is packing their bags or you're still a few years out, this episode is packed with wisdom, laughs, and some very practical takeaways to support both you and your child through this major life transition. Episode Highlights:[1:27] - Framing the college transition and the emotional load it carries for both kids and parents [3:24] - Why so many students flounder during the first semester of college [4:50] - What it really means to be "college-ready": from laundry to self-regulation [7:33] - Parents’ struggle to let go: DoorDash, bad Wi-Fi, and the illusion of control [9:10] - The N.U.T.S. framework: understanding stress triggers in the college transition [13:06] - How to show up as a “non-anxious presence” for your college-bound kid [15:18] - Why being a consultant—not a commander—is more effective and brain-friendly [18:45] - Teaching resilience through trust and shared problem-solving [21:01] - Handling late-night panic calls and how not to take on your kid’s stress [24:21] - Setting healthy communication boundaries without harming the relationship [26:21] - Tuition, leverage, and waivers: what parents can control [27:51] - How regular Sunday check-ins can be a win-win for parents and students [33:10] - The messy, non-linear path to adulthood—and why that’s okay [35:18] - Plan B thinking: preparing mentally and emotionally for alternate routes [37:51] - Gap years, burnout, and why "not now" doesn't mean "never" [41:20] - A personal story: why Ned didn’t call his son that first night of college [43:12] - Final takeaways: consult, don't control—and maybe get a dog Links & Resources:·         Who's Ready For College: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-driven-child/id1676859533?i=1000653304892 ·         Navigating Childhood Anxiety: A Conversation With Dr. Eli Lebowitz: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-driven-child/id1676859533?i=1000619235562  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

  --------  

  46:43

  --------

  46:43
• Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome

  As parents, we often think of middle school as a gauntlet—something our kids just need to survive. But my guest today, education leader, author, and school founder Chris Balme, sees it differently. To him, middle school is an extraordinary time of growth and self-discovery—a period where young people’s brains are changing at their fastest pace since early childhood, making it the perfect time to nurture creativity, agency, and resilience.Chris joins me to share ideas from his new book, Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome—a guide for kids themselves to turn these years into something remarkable. With challenges ranging from stealth artistry to healing broken friendships, Chris shows us how experiences can inspire, connect, and grow the skills kids truly need for life. Along the way, we talk about adolescent brain development, the power of awe, peer-led conflict resolution, and why middle schoolers deserve more agency than they usually get.If you’ve got a tween about to make the leap—or you’re already in the thick of it—this conversation will help you see these years not as a trial to endure, but as a hero’s journey worth embracing. Episode Highlights:[0:00] – Kicking off with a quick update on The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: The Workbook [1:37] – Introducing Chris Balme and his passion for transforming the middle school experience [4:19] – Why middle schoolers are the “ultimate underdogs” and how reframing these years changes everything [7:25] – Building a curriculum of experiences—how “Challenge Accepted” was born [10:19] – Science-backed challenges for the TikTok generation that build connection, creativity, and agency [13:04] – The “Stealth Artist” challenge and the value of positive rule-breaking [23:54] – “Propose a Better Rule” and empowering students to create real change [29:01] – The brain science and benefits behind “Find Awe in Nature” [35:06] – “Heal a Broken Bond”—tools and mindsets for repairing friendships [46:27] – Why middle schoolers are heroes in their own epic adventure Links & Resources:·         Chris's Website https://www.chrisbalme.com/about ·         Harry Chapin: Flowers Are Red https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cVpkzZpDBA   ·         Mike Nicholson - educator https://www.learninspired.org/about   If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

  --------  

  53:26

  --------

  53:26

Más podcasts de Educación

Acerca de The Self-Driven Child