On Attachment

In this Ask Steph episode, I share my perspective on the phrase “if they wanted to, they would” — and why it’s sometimes helpful, but often oversimplified.
I talk about the difference between basic effort and genuine capacity, and why assuming someone’s behaviour always reflects a lack of care or love can miss what’s really going on. We explore how attachment patterns, protective strategies, and stress responses shape how people show up in relationships — often in ways that can’t be changed through willpower alone.
This episode is about shifting the focus from judging someone’s intentions to getting clear on your own boundaries, non-negotiables, and whether a relationship works for you as it is — or not.

Few decisions feel as emotionally loaded as deciding whether to keep trying in a relationship or to walk away. There is no universal right answer — and for many people, especially those with anxious attachment, this question can feel endlessly destabilising.
In this episode, I share 10 reflective questions designed to support clearer, more grounded decision-making. These questions aren’t a checklist or a formula to tell you what to do. They’re an invitation to slow down, step out of fear-based urgency, and reconnect with your own values, needs, and capacity.
If you’ve been stuck going back and forth, waiting for certainty, or hoping something will finally make the choice clear for you, this episode offers a compassionate framework to help you find your own way forward.

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question that many people can relate to: drunk texting an ex, waking up full of shame, and not knowing what to do next.
I talk about why this happens, especially in the aftermath of a breakup when loneliness, lowered inhibitions, and longing collide — and why beating yourself up afterwards only makes things worse.
I explore how to respond in a grounded way, including whether you need to follow up with your ex at all, how to keep it simple if you do, and why the real work isn’t undoing the message but making sure you don’t end up in the same position again.
This episode focuses on creating practical guardrails — around drinking, contact, and temptation — so you’re not relying on willpower alone when you’re in a tender place. I also talk about how learning from moments like this, rather than spiralling in shame, is a powerful way to rebuild self-trust, self-respect, and self-worth after a breakup.
If you’re feeling embarrassed or disappointed in yourself right now, you’re not alone — and you’re not beyond repair. I hope this episode helps you meet yourself with compassion while still supporting yourself to make better choices next time.

Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail.
In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients.
I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and how safety, responsibility, and discernment determine which way it goes.
In this episode, I cover:
Why anxious–avoidant relationships can feel both magnetic and destabilising
The difference between understanding attachment styles and doing the relational work
Why commitment is essential — and how “one foot out the door” undermines safety
The role of humility in breaking defensive patterns and power struggles
Why self-awareness isn’t enough without nervous system and relational capacity
How to discern whether a relationship can actually support mutual growth and security
This episode is not about forcing a relationship to work at all costs. It’s about honestly assessing whether the conditions required for safety, repair, and growth are present — and whether both partners have the willingness and capacity to do the work.
Explore my free resources here

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change.
Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal?
In this episode, I explore:
How someone takes responsibility for cheating, and whether their remorse goes beyond guilt or shame.
Why understanding why the cheating happened matters more than promises alone.
How fearful-avoidant patterns and unresolved shame can drive self-sabotage.
What it takes to rebuild trust, including the capacity to stay present with your pain rather than rushing to move on.
When repair after infidelity can lead to growth — and when the conditions for real repair may not be there.
If you’re navigating betrayal, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope this episode helps you clarify what to look for and whether meaningful repair is possible.