A lot of gay men take pride in being independent, self-sufficient and in control. But is there a shadow side? When the time comes to let someone in, ask for support, or even rely on others—it feels uncomfortable, exposing, even threatening.
In this episode, we explore the spectrum between dependence, co-dependence, independence, hyper-independence, and interdependence—and why so many gay men get stuck at the far end of doing life alone. We talk about:
What hyper-independence actually is (and why it’s so common)
The fear of losing yourself, your freedom, or your identity
Why intimacy feels harder than being alone
How this shows up in dating, relationships, and asking for support
What it looks like to move toward interdependence (secure attachment)
This isn’t about becoming dependent. It’s about learning how to find a happy middle ground where you can let someone in without losing yourself or pulling further away.
Today's Hosts:
Matt Landsiedel
Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men
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Chapters
(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: How to Let People In
(00:01:14) - What is Dependency and Independence?
(00:03:34) - Guys Who Are Hyper Independent or Codependent
(00:04:54) - Cocodependent and Secure Attachment: How Do You Know
(00:08:04) - How to Grow Up With Someone (Gay Men)
(00:10:49) - Insecure Attachment and The Fear That
(00:13:38) - What Are Some Boundaries That You Have For Yourself?
(00:15:23) - What's the Hardest Part of Learning To Trust Again?
(00:17:06) - How Anxious Attachers Get Out Of Conflict
(00:18:45) - How To Start Moving Toward Interdependence
(00:20:21) - Can An Avoidant Attachment Style Overcorrect Into Becoming Cod
(00:24:59) - How to Cope With Anxious Partner
(00:27:54) - The Importance of Living With Your Partner
(00:30:44) - How To Overcome The Fear Of Disappointment During Relationships
(00:34:35) - Gay Men Talk About Being Independent
Colombia