Gay Men Going Deeper

Seeking validation isn’t just about chasing likes. It’s the part of us that needs approval, wants to belong, and feel accepted. 

In this episode, we unpack the subtle ways validation-seeking still shows up in our everyday lives, especially as gay men who learned early to scan, adapt, perform, and manage how we’re perceived. We talk about the difference between healthy feedback and outsourcing your self-worth, and what it actually looks like to build self-trust in real life.

In this episode, we discuss:

What validation-seeking actually looks like

The difference between caring what people think and letting their opinion become a verdict on your worth

Why self-trust requires tolerating discomfort, disappointment, and disapproval

How we’re each still learning to come back to ourselves in more honest, grounded ways

Self-trust doesn’t mean you stop caring what people think- it means their reaction no longer gets to decide who you are.

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men

Reno Johnston

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Coming Home To Yourself
(00:01:56) - Why Do Gay Men Seek Validation?
(00:03:43) - What Does Validation Seeking Actually Look Like?
(00:05:51) - What Does It Look Like to Be Overcomfortable?
(00:07:20) - Michael Buble on Being Validated
(00:07:57) - Michael Says He Feels Good About Himself
(00:08:45) - Validation Seeking and How It Affects Your Life
(00:13:53) - How to Stop Seeking External Validation
(00:18:10) - What does validation seeking look like in your life?
(00:18:35) - Why Is Self-Trust So Difficult For Gay People?
(00:23:26) - "People Plead"
(00:27:58) - What Makes Self Trust So Difficult?
(00:31:43) - The Importance Of Identity
(00:33:28) - Self-Trust Coaching
(00:34:08) - Michael on Coming Home To Himself
(00:35:38) - What Would I Do If I Wasn't Trying To Be Like
(00:39:35) - Coming Home to Yourself
(00:43:20) - Getting Back Home to Yourself
(00:46:26) - Why I Don't Need To Explain My Time
(00:48:06) - Coming Back Home To Yourself

Feeling bad is not a flaw in the human experience. It’s an essential life skill for anyone who wants a life of love, growth, satisfaction, and intimacy— all of it requires the capacity to feel discomfort without running from it.

In this episode, Michael and Matt make the case for feeling bad on purpose: when to sit with an emotion, when to change your mindset, and why emotional avoidance often costs us more than the original pain.

We get into:

Why feeling bad is a skill, not a personal failure

The difference between allowing an emotion and reframing your thoughts

How men are often taught to avoid, repress, intellectualize, or act out emotions

The ways we numb and escape through food, alcohol, sex, porn, productivity, scrolling, and distraction

Why building emotional capacity makes you braver, more honest, and more willing to live a bigger life

The goal isn’t to be happy all the time — it’s to become someone who can feel bad without abandoning yourself or shrinking your future.

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Why Feeling Bad Is Good For You
(00:01:46) - Why Are People So Bad at Feeling Bad?
(00:06:06) - How to Win with Emotions
(00:08:13) - How to Love Yourself
(00:13:16) - How to Get Through Trauma
(00:16:52) - What Emotion Is The Hardest To Deal With?
(00:20:05) - How To Live A Fully Feeling Life
(00:20:54) - How to Deal With Feeling Bad
(00:23:48) - The ego takes over the body
(00:24:32) - Gay Men's Ways To Cope With Feeling Bad
(00:25:45) - How to Stop Feeling Bad
(00:29:31) - How to Love Yourself Through Fear
(00:30:38) - How to Handle Negative Emotions
(00:34:37) - People Cope With Crying
(00:35:29) - Gay Men's Brotherhood

A lot of gay men pride themselves on being “nice”— easygoing, agreeable, low-drama. But what if that’s exactly why you’re not getting what you want?

In this episode, we break down the difference between being kind and being “nice,” and how approval-seeking, conflict avoidance, and over-accommodating are quietly killing attraction, respect, and real connection. 

We talk about:

Why “nice” is often a strategy, not a personality

The hidden cost of being liked by everyone

How this shows up in dating and relationships

The difference between being chosen vs. being liked

How to shift from approval-seeking to self-respecting

If you’ve ever felt overlooked, under-appreciated, or stuck in the friend-zone, this one will hit.

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men

Reno Johnston

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: The Nice Guy Trap
(00:01:04) - Being Nice
(00:03:16) - What Does Being A Nice Guy Actually Mean To You?
(00:05:46) - Matt on Being A Nice Guy
(00:09:49) - Have You Ever Been The Nice Guy?
(00:13:30) - Is Your Friend Think You're A Nice Guy?
(00:17:16) - What Is Niceness In Your Relationships?
(00:20:09) - Gayman's Brotherhood: Connection Circles
(00:20:54) - Why Being a Nice Guy Backfires in Dating
(00:23:16) - Matt Says Being Honest In Dating Backfires
(00:28:19) - In the Elevator With Michael
(00:29:38) - Gay Men on Dating and Relationships
(00:30:19) - How to Shift From Being Nice to Being Chosen
(00:35:02) - How To Be With Yourself
(00:39:06) - Be Candid With Yourself
(00:42:15) - Michael Jackson on Not Being Like Everyone
(00:45:34) - Matt on Not Being the Nice Guy
(00:48:20) - Thank You!

Hookups get a bad rap as shallow, transactional, or disconnected. But what if they could actually become a space for growth, awareness, and real connection?

In this episode, we’re advocating for shift from default, unconscious hookups  to something more intentional, honest, and grounded. We explore how hookup culture can either reinforce negative patterns or become a powerful mirror for your patterns, desires, boundaries, and capacity for intimacy.

We talk about:

Why hookups aren’t the problem—but how we show up in them can be

The difference between unconscious vs. intentional hookups

How to bring honesty, communication, and authenticity into casual sex

How our own hookups have evolved over time

Practical ways to make hookups more enjoyable, respectful, and connected—for everyone involved

This isn’t about judging hookup culture or pretending it should be something it’s not. It’s about raising the standard of how you show up—so even casual encounters can feel aligned, present, and real.

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - How To Elevate Your Hookup Culture
(00:02:22) - The Pros and Cons of Hookup Culture
(00:05:50) - What are the cons of hookup culture?
(00:07:12) - How Gay Men View Their Hookups
(00:11:36) - No More Sex: We Need Love
(00:13:34) - What Makes A Hookup Good For You?
(00:17:38) - "Honesty Is What Makes A Hookup Good"
(00:21:15) - Demisexual Guy On Grindr
(00:25:31) - Demisexual People Talk About Their Sexualities
(00:26:00) - Michael On His Hookups...
(00:29:59) - Elevating Your Hookups
(00:31:16) - PODCAST: Please support the community

For many gay men, our relationship with our dad is one of the most defining- and least talked about. In this episode, we explore the nuances of our relationships with our fathers through three core questions:

How did your dad react when you came out?

How do you express your gayness around him today?

Does being gay impact the level of intimacy you have with your dad?

From there, we go deeper into family dynamics, cultural expectations, and the different expressions of love and acceptance between fathers and their gay sons. We get into physical affection between fathers and sons, how much access we give them into our lives, and the boundaries we set as adults.

We also explore how these early relationships can shape the kinds of men we’re attracted to… and the patterns we carry into dating and relationships.

This is a grounded, honest conversation about the often complex and layered relationship between fathers and sons. 

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men

Reno Johnston

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Going Deeper: The Daddy Issue
(00:01:47) - Did Gay Men Need Daddies?
(00:03:20) - How Did My Dad React To My Coming Out?
(00:07:49) - How Did My Dad React To My Coming Out?
(00:10:18) - Reno On Not Bringing Up Gay Issues With His Father
(00:14:24) - When My Gay Friend Comes Out
(00:14:43) - How Did My Dad React To Coming Out?
(00:18:53) - Coming Out To My Dad
(00:20:52) - How Do You Describe Your Gayness To Your Dad?
(00:27:38) - How Do I Feel Representing My Gayness To My Dad?
(00:31:14) - How My Parents Accept My Gay Love Life
(00:33:37) - Do You Hold Back Your Gayness When You're Around Your Dad
(00:37:56) - Adam Levine on Father-Son Conferences
(00:42:40) - Does Being Gay Impact How You Experience Intimate Touch With Your Dad
(00:45:32) - Does Being Gay Impact How I Experience Intimate With My Dad?
(00:47:52) - Michael Jackson on His Dad's Love
(00:51:09) - We Love You, Dads