Gay Men Going Deeper

In a world of swipes, situationships, and high-intensity connections, romance can start to feel obsolete — replaced by sexual energy, emotional guardedness, or the safety of detachment.

And yet many of us still long for thoughtfulness, depth, being chosen and choosing in return.

In this episode, we explore why that part of us often gets buried under performance, fear of rejection, and modern dating norms — and what it actually takes to lead with romance instead of intensity.

We talk about:

What romance really looks and feels like in dating 

Why intensity is so often mistaken for intimacy

What it means to actively bring romance into your dating life

How love languages and attachment styles shape our romantic expression

And what truly sweeps us off our feet

This conversation is both a reality check and an ode to the intentional, courageous, thoughtful part of ourselves that still believes in romance.

Today's Hosts:

Michael DiIorio

Matt Landsiedel

Reno Johnston

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:05) - Gay Men Going Deeper: The Romantic Gay Man
(00:00:53) - How To Bring Romance Into Your Dating & Relationships
(00:01:56) - How To Be Romantic In Gay Culture
(00:03:47) - Michael on Romance in Gay Culture
(00:07:34) - Gay Men Talk About Romance
(00:12:44) - "I Don't Think Romance Is Romantic"
(00:18:00) - How To Start A Romance: Setting the Tone
(00:20:25) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood
(00:21:09) - How Do You Bring Romance Into Dating?
(00:25:48) - How Do I Bring Romance Into Dating?
(00:29:03) - What's The Most Romantic Thing You've Ever Done For Someone?
(00:33:40) - How To Get Out Of Your Attractor's Grip
(00:34:51) - The Most Romantic Thing Someone's Done For Me
(00:36:47) - What Do You Need To Know To Be Swept Off Your Feet
(00:39:04) - Toronto Guy Problems
(00:43:11) - Saved Off My Feet
(00:47:10) - "If I'm a 10, I'll Keep Dating"
(00:50:05) - Don't Be Afraid To Be Romantic With Your Gay Guy Friends

Being sexually open isn’t the same as being sexually honest. In a culture that celebrates sex, many gay men still struggle to feel aligned with what they truly want, without shame or pressure.

In this off-the-cuff conversation, we explore what it really looks like to own your desires without shame, performance, or pressure. We unpack how conditioning, fear, and expectations can quietly pull us away from what we genuinely want, and why many gay men feel disconnected from their evolving desires over time.

We talk about:

What sexual authenticity actually means (and what it doesn’t)

The subtle ways we learn to edit or override our desires

How shame, fear, and social expectations shape what we allow ourselves to want

How desire changes across seasons of life, relationships, and identity

Why authenticity, not experience or performance, is the foundation of sexual empowerment

This episode isn’t about labelling “right” or “wrong” desires. It’s about building an honest, compassionate relationship with yourself so your choices around sex feel grounded, intentional, and aligned.

Join Michael's Sexual Empowerment 101 7-week men’s group

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment...

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: Unpacking Sexual Authenticity
(00:01:30) - What Does It Mean To Be Sexual Authentic?
(00:04:32) - Kinky and Vanilla Sexual Shamers
(00:06:02) - How to Exploit Your Sexual Desire in Your 40s
(00:08:09) - Tom Brokoe on His Sexual Authenticity
(00:09:08) - Demisexuals on Being More Sexual in Their 40s
(00:12:28) - The Importance of Authenticity in Relationships
(00:15:28) - Geminis Talk Sexually
(00:18:04) - Gemini Talk About Vocal Play
(00:19:06) - Gay Men Talk Sex
(00:22:21) - Gay Mens Brotherhood: Sexual Authenticity

In gay culture, “body count” refers to how many people you’ve slept with. And whether it’s high or low, it often feels like a no-win situation. Have a low body count and you risk being seen as repressed, inexperienced, or undesirable. Have a high one and you’re either celebrated… or slut shamed.

In this off-the-cuff conversation, we unpack why gay men are stuck between purity culture and performance culture, and how both distort our relationship to sex, desire, and self-worth.

We explore:

Why body count became a stand-in for confidence and masculinity

How sex gets turned into proof of worth instead of a personal choice

The difference between sexual freedom and sexual pressure

Why sex positivity isn’t about having more sex, or less sex What sexual empowerment actually looks like when shame isn’t running the show

This episode isn’t about judging how much sex you’ve had. It’s about reclaiming choice, agency, and a healthier relationship to desire.

Join the Sexual Empowerment 101 7-week men’s group

Today's Hosts:

Michael DiIorio

Matt Landsiedel

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Gay Culture: Perpetual Sexual Hygiene
(00:02:00) - Body Count in Our Culture
(00:05:48) - Purity Culture and Performance Culture
(00:06:42) - Who Are The People Shaming Gay People Having Sex?
(00:08:29) - "Purity Culture" Is Full of Shame For Gay Men
(00:09:52) - What Is the Story You Tell Yourself About People Who Have A Lot
(00:10:18) - Demisexual Man on His Sexual Preoccupation
(00:13:55) - Is Demisexual Love The Same As Sex?
(00:16:09) - Straight Guys Think They're More Hot Than Girls
(00:18:14) - Sexual Empowerment
(00:21:57) - Sexual Empowerment Group and Connection Circle
(00:23:31) - Oh My Goodness
(00:23:40) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Connections Circles

Gay culture rewards visibility, desirability, and dominance, so a lot of what looks like confidence is actually performance under pressure. In this episode, we unpack the myths of self-confidence gay men inherit and what real confidence looks like when no one’s watching.

In this conversation, we explore:

What traits often get mistaken for confidence in gay culture

How social media amplifies performative confidence and quietly fuels insecurity

Why confidence built on validation, desirability, or status is inherently fragile

How childhood experiences and early coping strategies shape what confidence feels safe to express

The difference between looking confident and being confident

Why real confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity and why it naturally shifts over time

This episode isn’t about fixing yourself or learning how to project confidence. It’s about understanding why the version you were taught to chase often feels exhausting, and what a quieter, more grounded confidence actually looks like in real life.

Today's Hosts:

Michael DiIorio

Matt Landsiedel

Reno Johnston

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:05) - Gays Go Deep: Why So Many Confident Gay Men Are
(00:00:59) - How Confidence For Gay Men Is Decoded
(00:04:32) - What Are The Traits That Get Mistaken for Confidence in
(00:09:03) - The Gay Gay Male Hypothesis
(00:10:39) - Gay Men Reveal How Much Confidence They Have
(00:15:52) - The Need for Codependence
(00:16:48) - What Makes a Confident Person?
(00:21:58) - Is Your Confidence Dependent on Social Media?
(00:23:11) - The Need for Self-Confidence
(00:25:15) - Want to Attend a Connection Circle? Here!
(00:26:10) - What Does Real Confidence Look Like In Real Life?
(00:29:16) - What Does Real Confidence Look Like In Real Life?
(00:33:28) - Is There A Difference Between Confidence And Heart-centered Confidence
(00:35:59) - What does real confidence look like in real life?
(00:36:24) - How to Handle Failure and Defeat
(00:38:01) - Who Is The Most Confident Person That You Know?
(00:41:55) - What Is It That Gay People Get From Being Confident?
(00:47:03) - How to Build a Confidence
(00:48:20) - Thank You!!

Everyone says they want a “slow build” in dating… right up until chemistry hits and judgement leaves the building.

In this off-the-cuff episode, we talk about why moving fast feels so intoxicating, what actually happens in your nervous system when you do, and how speed can quietly hijack discernment, attachment, and self-trust. We share personal stories, name the difference between excitement and regulation, and break down how slowing down isn’t about playing games, withholding sex, or killing the spark… it’s about letting something real have a chance to form.

If you’ve ever confused intensity for intimacy, this one’s for you.

Today's Hosts:

Matt Landsiedel

Michael DiIorio

Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes

- CONNECT WITH US -

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube

Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community

Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls

Follow us on Instagram | TikTok

Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com

- LEARN WITH US -

Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.

Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.

Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.

Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.

Chapters

(00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deeper: Slow Build In Relationships
(00:00:39) - What is the Slow Build?
(00:02:29) - How to Control the Pace of a Relationship
(00:02:50) - Falling In Love Too Fast
(00:05:57) - How To Manage Your Relationships
(00:07:43) - Why Do We Do This?
(00:11:06) - What Is A Healthy Pace For A Romantic Relationship?
(00:14:13) - What Happens to People Who Go Too Fast?
(00:15:13) - What is the Healthy Pace for a Romantic Relationship?
(00:17:01) - "We're Going Too Fast For My Own Natural System"
(00:19:23) - Knowledge Is Key to Secure Relationships
(00:23:01) - How To Slow Down Your Love Life
(00:25:02) - How To Control the Pace of Your Relationship
(00:29:48) - How To Manage Your Attachment Style
(00:30:56) - Podcast