Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Is your neighborhood or town welcoming?
I spend a lot of time on this show talking about the one-to-one side of friendship—the texts, the plans, the misunderstandings, the dynamics that keep us close or pull us apart. But once in a while, I like to zoom out and look at something bigger: the social health of where we live. Our friendships don’t exist in a vacuum. They’re shaped by our neighborhoods, your cities, and whether connection in these places.
My guest, Aaron Hurst, is the founder of the U.S. Chamber of Connection (yes, that’s a real thing—and it probably should have existed a long time ago), and he’s thinking about connection on a national scale. His work focuses on how we rebuild social life in a time when loneliness is rising, trust is declining, and more and more of our interactions are happening through screens.
Here’s what I loved most about this conversation: the solutions are surprisingly simple. We’re talking potlucks, block parties, coffee in your driveway, neighborhood-wide walks, even just inviting people over on a Tuesday night. Just small, consistent efforts to bring people together as a volunteer where you live.
Is your neighborhood, town, or wider city area welcoming? How so? I'd love to hear! Let's continue the conversation anywhere you see me posting about this episode. (That's usually @dearninafriendship on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. And in my Facebook group at Dear Nina: The Group.)
In this episode, we talk about:
Why loneliness is bigger than individual friendships and what’s happening at a societal level
The idea behind the U.S. Chamber of Connection (and why it exists)
Why only some people naturally initiate and what that means for the rest of us
“Seattle Freeze,” “Minnesota Nice,” and whether certain cities are harder for friendship
The two biggest barriers to making connections: not knowing where to start + not wanting to go alone
Why small efforts (potlucks, block parties, coffee in your driveway) matter more than big plans
How to become an “inviter” in your own neighborhood
The 1 million volunteer goal—and how you can be part of it
Why giving friendship—not waiting for it—is the shift that changes everything

LINKS MENTIONED: 
Volunteer for the Chamber of Connection in your area
"Why Even Smart People Believe AI Is Really Thinking" Wall Street Journal

Previous episodes covering some of this ground:
#138: The Neighborhood Village and How Community is Different From Friendship: Seth D. Kaplan
#150: Join or Die: Pickleball, Potlucks, Democracy, and Your Health: Rebecca Davis and Pete Davis

MEET AARON HURST:
Aaron Hurst is a serial social entrepreneur, an expert in purpose and social connection, and the bestselling author of The Purpose Economy. He is the founder and CEO of the US Chamber of Connection, where he uses behavioral science to build the infrastructure for connection in America. Aaron's work has been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, Fast Company and Bloomberg, among others. He previously founded the Taproot Foundation and Imperative, and he is a LinkedIn influencer.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify
📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina
🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!
📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack
❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group
📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question
📪 email: [email protected]
🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Navigating friendship when your planning styles don’t match
Why is it so hard to actually make plans with friends as adults? In this solo episode, I’m digging into one of the most common (and frustrating) dynamics in friendship: when one person likes to plan ahead and the other prefers to keep things spontaneous. I also discuss when both people like to have an actual plan, but one friend is doing most of the work of sending dates.
I talk through why this mismatch can stall even strong friendships and what to do about it. From turning vague “we should get together” texts into real plans, to figuring out when it’s your turn to suggest dates, this is a practical, honest look at how to actually see your friends more often.
Here’s the part I’ll say plainly: if a plan doesn’t get on the calendar, it usually doesn’t happen. That’s just the reality of adult life. But that doesn’t mean there’s only one “right” way to make plans or that being spontaneous "never" works. But having good intentions to "get together" aren't enough to sustain a friendship.

Inside this episode, I discuss:
Why spontaneous plans feel great—but don’t happen as often as we wish
What to do when your friend doesn’t like booking things in advance
How to meet in the middle without overcomplicating it
The small shift that turns “we should get together” into an actual plan
When it’s your turn to suggest the dates (It can't always fall on the other person. You have to open up your calendar, too!)

I also share a couple of real-life examples—one where spontaneity worked, and one where clear scheduling made everything easy—to show how both approaches can work when you’re intentional about it.
This isn’t about forcing your style onto someone else. It’s about acknowledging the mismatch and actually talking about it because the “problem” here is a good one: you and your friend theoretically want to spend time together. And if that’s the case, there’s always a way to figure it out.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re always the one making the plans, or you’re waiting around for plans that never happen, or you just can’t seem to sync up with a friend you really like—this episode will give you a realistic way forward.

LINK MENTIONED: 
Episode 73 with guest Ruchi Koval: "I'm Just Not Into This Friendship"
Episode 121: "Rules For Making Plans with Friends" 
"This is How to Make Plans With Friends" on Substack, Dec 2024 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify
📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina
🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!
📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack
❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group
📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question
📪 email: [email protected]
🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

The Unexpected Friendships You Find Through Networking When You Work Alone

If you're ever feel lonely at work, lonely working from home, or you realize your regular friends just don't get what you do, this episode is for you.
I spoke with Lindsay Pinchuk, award-winning entrepreneur and founder of the Dear Founder Forum, a networking community for women business owners over 40. Lindsay's group is a big reason the "Dear Nina" world has grown so much this past year, and this conversation is all about how networking communities (not just Lindsay's) can become an unexpected and essential source of real, lasting friendship. It's really something you might want to consider if you work alone or with a very small team.
But just like in friendship, feeling seen and heard in a networking communities takes an element of giving of your time and attention, NOT JUST TAKING. In this episode we discuss the true friendships that can be made in a networking group and how those connections can help your business and your life.

WE DISCUSSED:

Why networking groups can foster real friendships
The “you get out what you put in” truth (for both networking and friendship)
Why being in the same business doesn’t have to mean competition
The surprising benefits of becoming friendly with your “competition”
Why conversations—not social media—are what actually grow your work and your relationships
The difference between being friendly and being friends (and why both matter)
Why expecting your friends to support your work as if they're customers, followers, or "fans," can backfire
 

LINKS MENTIONED: 

"Do you make yourself smaller around certain friends?" The January Substack post about realizing your regular friends aren't the right outlet for some of your work conversations
Dear FoundHer the podcast and the forum
Sunny and Jenn on Dear Nina
My turn as a guest on Lindsay's amazing podcast, Dear FoundHer. We talked about how I built Dear Nina!

Meet Lindsay Pinchuk

Lindsay Pinchuk is an award-winning entrepreneur, consultant, and small business mentor who’s among the less than 1% of female founders to successfully lead her company through an acquisition. She built her first company, Bump Club and Beyond, from just $500 into a 7-figure brand with partnerships that included Target, Nordstrom, Huggies, and Unilever, reaching over 3 million people every month before selling the business to a large agency holding company.
Today, Lindsay is the founder of Dear FoundHer, a top 0.5% podcast and community supporting women business owners over 40. Through her podcast, newsletter, mentorship program, and her signature SWEEP framework, she helps entrepreneurs simplify their marketing, grow their businesses, and build long-term success.
Follow Dear FoundHer on Instagram @dearfoundher!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify
📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina
🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!
📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack
❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group
📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question
📪 email: [email protected]
🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m excited to share a fantastic episode from when I was the guest on Your Child Is Normal with pediatrician Dr. Jessica Hochman. (@askdrjessica on Instagram)
Dr. Jessica and I spoke about how to help kids become socially confident in a world where so much interaction happens on screens. From teaching kids to initiate plans instead of waiting to be invited (adults need to master this too!), to why proximity and real-life time together matter more than ever, this is a practical conversation about what helps kids make and keep friends.
We also got into what it looks like for parents to support friendships—hosting, encouraging, and sometimes stepping in—without over-managing. It's not easy! This discussion includes plenty of nuance. If you’re raising kids in today’s tech-heavy world, this one will give you a lot to think about.

We talk about:
Why kids (and adults) need to learn to initiate—not wait to be invited
The importance of proximity and “hyper-local” friendships for kids when possible
How parents can encourage friendships without forcing them (Accept that kids' friendships WILL change, even when the parents are close.)
Rethinking reciprocity (it’s not tit-for-tat)
How to help kids navigate friendship conflict and give each other grace
The reality of drifting friendships and why it’s not always a failure
How screens and over-scheduling are changing kids’ social lives
Simple, practical ways to help kids feel more confident and socially capable
Thoughts on being "the hosting house"

Meet Dr. Jessica Hochman
Your Child is Normal is the trusted podcast for parents, pediatricians, and child health experts who want smart, nuanced conversations about raising healthy, resilient kids. Hosted by Dr. Jessica Hochman — a board-certified practicing pediatrician — the show combines evidence-based medicine, expert interviews, and real-world parenting advice to help listeners navigate everything from sleep struggles to mental health, nutrition, screen time, and more.
Follow Dr Jessica Hochman:
Instagram: @AskDrJessica and Tiktok @askdrjessica, YouTube channel: Ask Dr Jessica

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify
📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina
🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!
📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack
❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group
📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question
📪 email: [email protected]
🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Reframing Your Birthday and Your Friendships
Birthdays can be emotionally loaded and full of expectations, mixed signals, and quiet disappointment about what we’re “supposed to do” and who is “supposed to do” it for us. If birthdays have left you feeling overlooked or unsure of your friendships, this episode offers a practical—and freeing—way to think about them differently.
And I know some of you are saying, "I don't care about my birthday anyway." That's okay! I'm still making the case that your birthday is an opportunity to be inviting and generous. Stick with me.
In this conversation with my close friend Debra Arbit (who I didn’t meet until my early 40s!), we talk about reframing our approach to birthdays to one that makes them more joyful and reflective of the friendships we want.
Debra shares how she planned her 45th birthday in a way that felt intentional, flexible, and genuinely fun.
Please note, this conversation goes way beyond birthdays. It’s about expectations in friendships, as well as effort, vulnerability, and what it really looks like to build the kind of relationships you want.
 
HIGHLIGHTS:

Why birthdays often become a “test” of friendship and why that can backfire
The case for planning your own birthday (and why it’s not as sad as it sounds)
Debra’s “Signup Genius” 45th birthday events
Letting go of rigid ideas about reciprocity
What “showing up” actually looks like (it’s more than just attending)
Why mixing different groups of friends can be a good thing
Scarcity vs. abundance mindsets in friendship
How to set the tone for your birthday—whether it’s a party or a simple one-on-one plan

Again, if birthdays have ever left you feeling resentful or anxious, this episode offers a way forward—one that’s intentional, generous, and meaningful.

LINKS MENTIONED: 
Debra's amazing Instagram account: @fortheloveofcookbooks
Episode #84 with Debra: How to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend AND How to Make Hosting Easier
Episode #131: Start a Ritual/Tradition with Friends
Episode #140: Celebrating Friends’ Birthdays and Your Own Birthday
All the friendship challenges on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

MEET DEBRA ARBIT:
In addition to being one of my real life actual close friends, Debra is a serial entrepreneur who is passionate about lifting up other women business owners. When she isn’t thinking of new business ideas or consulting with women business owners, she is likely cooking her way through a cookbook completing every single recipe within it. She recently finished her 20th complete cookbook and is steadily working through her never-ending stack. She posts all about her cookbook adventures on her Instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she rates the recipes and shares which of her three kids and husband were willing to try whatever she made. Oh. And she happens to be moderately obsessed with birthdays and celebrating all of life’s milestones big and small.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify
📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina
🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!
📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack
❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group
📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question
📪 email: [email protected]
🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!