We Hate Movies

“These movies are not made for audiences.” - Steve, on DTS titles like this On our first episode of 2026 we’re chatting about the direct-to-streaming, holiday-set sequel, The Family Plan 2! Why can’t Wahlberg be icing dudes in this movie? Beyond that great Michael Bay doc that hasn’t come out yet, are we still doing parkour in movies? Should Mark just start doing PVOD Secret Movies? How much of a boost does the on-location shooting give you? Does Kit Harington’s character have an actual plan beyond the vague “power” dream? Why are we cramming Christmas into this film? And doesn’t Michelle Monaghan deserve better than this? PLUS: The Transformers get down with some parkour too! The Family Plan 2 stars Mark Wahlberg, Michelle Monaghan, Zoe Colletti, Van Crosby, Reda Elazouar, Sidse Babett Knudsen, Sanjeev Baskar, and Kit Harington as Finn Clarke; directed by Simon Cellan Jones. This episode is sponsored by Lumi Gummies! Lumi Gummies are available nationwide! Go to LumiGummies.com and use code WHM for 30% off your order! Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“All I can think of, is this movie doesn’t know what it’s doing…” - Eric On our final episode of the year, we’re joining Jamie Lee Curtis and David Copperfield aboard the… Terror Train! Is this one of the better New Year’s Eve-set horror movies or… not so much? How incredible is Jamie Lee, even in this level of horror dreck? Is Hart Bochner’s character diddling dead bodies? Is renting a party train a feasible means of entertainment these days? And why are they dressed up for Halloween on New Year’s Eve? PLUS: Way, way too much close-up magic here, folks!  Terror Train stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, Hart Bochner, Derek McKinnon, Sandee Currie, Timothy Webber, Anthony Sherwood, Vanity, Joy Boushel, and David Copperfield as The Magician; directed by Roger Spottiswoode. Don’t miss us next year on the road when we hit Los Angeles (2/22), Minneapolis (3/20) and Chicago (3/22) this winter. Click through to get your 🎟️ now! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“The Grinch has a FUPA!” - Andrew On this holiday unlock episode from seven Christmases ago, the gang travels to Whoville to chat about the outrageous live-action Dr. Seuss adaptation, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Get in the holiday spirit as you watch the Grinch do all the beloved gags you remember him doing, like shove stuff up his ass, swear in front of children, murder a yodeler, and motorboat a random woman he went to high school with! PLUS: Donald Sutherland starring as the Grinch in the 1970s? Sign us up!  How the Grinch Stole Christmas stars Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Christine Baranski, Bill Irwin, Molly Shannon, Kelly the Dog, and Clint Howard; directed by Ron Howard. This episode is brought to you by Sonos! This holiday season, give the gift of Sonos sound! Looking for the perfect last-minute gift? Sonos is offering up to 25% off now through December 28, 2025 at sonos dot com. Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

On the final On-Screen Live of 2025, we reviewed Rian Johnson's new Knives Out entry, Wake Up Dead Man, reacted to the teaser for the new Street Fighter flick, and even gave some capsule reviews of a few holiday films you may (or may not!) want to take in during this festive season, both from the Hallmark Channel and Netflix! We also announced the titles for the first three shows of our 2026 tour and even played a surprise round of the VHS Trailer Game! On-Screen Live will return in 2026... Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“It’s always a weird drifter with a dubious backstory” - Eric on mall Santas On this week’s episode, we finally welcome film critic/author/podcaster/great dude, Alonso Duralde on the show to chat about the totally outrageous Christmas horror schlocker, Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker! How hilarious is this face-hugger Santa toy in the cold open? Was that really the best name Mickey Rooney’s character could’ve gone with for his toy store? How hilarious is it that this robot actually has a bump? Is this lady too casual about her husband dying in a horrific household freak accident? And was that Clint Howard we spied back there? PLUS: What do you call a bunch of fans of the classic literary character, Geppetto? We break it down.  Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker stars William Thorne, Jane Higginson, Van Quattro, Tracy Fraim, Neith Hunter, Conan Yuzna, Brian Bremer, Clint Howard, and Mickey Rooney as Joe Petto; directed by Martin Kitrosser. Also, be sure to pick up the updated & expanded edition of Alonso’s kick-ass book, “Have Yourself a Movie Little Christmas,” which is a totally essential guide for your holiday viewing and is guaranteed to make a killer stocking stuffer for the cinephile in your life. Click through here to pick it up on Bookshop! This episode is brought to you by Sonos! Looking for the perfect last-minute gift? Sonos is offering up to 25% off now through December 28, 2025 at sonos dot com. Throughout 2025, we’ll be donating 100% of our earnings from our merch shop to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So head over and check out all these masterful designs and see what tickles your fancy! Shirts? Phone cases? Canvas prints? We got all that and more! Check it out and kick in for a good cause! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.