Queer Collective Podcast

Butch lesbians were once punished for being too visible. Now the internet claims they’re disappearing. So what happened?

We’re investigating the so-called “masc shortage” with lesbian studies professor Dr. Tori Smith and masc lesbian coach Raia Carey. Are masc lesbians actually disappearing, or are dating expectations, changing identities, and decades of lesbian erasure shaping who gets seen? From butch and stud history to transmasculine identities, lesbophobia, and the lack of masculine lesbian representation in mainstream media, we’re unpacking why this dating complaint goes WAY deeper than you’d expect.

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0:00 Where Did All the Masc Lesbians Go?

0:47 What Does It Mean to Be Butch, Stud, Transmasculine & Masc?

6:46 Reclaiming “Dyke”: Empowering or Painful?

10:29 Are We Actually in a Masc Shortage?

11:51 What Kind of Masc Are You Actually Looking For?

13:35 The “Butch Flight” Panic: Why Trans Men Got Blamed

23:29 Are Transmasc People Welcome in Lesbian Spaces?

28:23 The Visible Lesbian: Creation & Criminalization of the Butch

30:13 When Dressing Butch Could Get You Arrested

32:55 The Shared History of Lesbians and Trans People

39:10 Why Patriarchy Fears Masculine Lesbians

42:14 How Lesbophobia Still Shows Up Today

53:27 Code-Switching for Safety as a Black Masc Lesbian

1:00:56 The Paradox of Butch Invisibility

1:03:36 Why TV Keeps Softening Butch Lesbians

1:06:28 The Fight for Butch Representation

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After six years together, living together, building a business and opening our relationship, we broke up… and somehow stayed friends. Two years later, we’re finally unpacking what that actually took. With psychotherapist Jennifer Hanson, we get into why queer people keep their exes so close, when friendship is worth fighting for, when it keeps you stuck, jealousy, new partners, no-contact, boundaries, and the messy process of learning to love someone differently.

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00:00 We Dated for 6 Years… Now We’re Friends

01:44 Why Queer People Stay Friends With Their Exes

05:00 Should You Actually Stay Friends With Your Ex?

08:59 When Is an Ex Worth Keeping in Your Life?

11:45 When You Should NEVER Stay Friends With an Ex

12:10 What If Your Ex Doesn’t Want to Be Friends?

18:18 How Do You Actually Become Friends With an Ex?

19:57 The Boundaries You Need After a Breakup

23:58 Why Am I Jealous If I Don’t Want Them Back?

29:00 Are Non-Monogamous People Better at Breakups?

38:11 Sharing Friends When Your Ex Starts Dating Again

48:17 Do You Need No Contact After a Breakup?

52:30 How We Broke Up While Still Living Together

55:05 The Problem With Hoping You’ll Get Back Together

57:13 Should You EVER Hook Up With an Ex?

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Why do trans and gender-nonconforming people keep showing up suspiciously close to gods, prophecy and ancient religion? With trans historian Sophie Edwards, we follow a wildly gay historical trail through the ancient mediterranean to ask why people crossing gender boundaries were so often imagined as closer to the divine.

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0:00 Why Were Trans People So Close to the Divine?

1:00 Can We Call Ancient People Trans?

2:22 The Enarees: Trans Diviners Trusted by Kings

8:30 Why Was Gender-Crossing Linked to Prophecy?

11:50 The Galli: Rome’s Trans Feminine Priestesses

16:20 Ancient Gender-Affirming Care & the Day of Blood

23:15 How Did Ancient Rome Treat the Galli?

28:49 Where Did the Galli Go?

30:40 The Trans Saints of Early Christianity

31:55 Saint Pelagius: The Trans Saint & Former Sex Worker

42:42 Saint Marinos: Exiled Rather Than Out Himself

51:06 Is Transness Connected to the Divine?

54:15 Tiresias: Gender-Crossing, Gods & Prophecy

59:03 The Mystery of the Bearded Venus

1:04:37 We Have Always Existed

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Thin is back. Ozempic bodies, heroin chic nostalgia, shrinking celebrities, and suddenly the body positivity era feels like a fever dream. We’re revisiting one of our favourite conversations with artist and body liberation advocate Jennarie to unpack what fatphobia actually does to us, why thin privilege is so invisible, and how diet culture keeps turning our insecurity into profit. Because you can’t heal your relationship with your body while still being terrified of looking fat.

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0:00 Thin Is Back, and That Should Scare Us

1:09 Body Liberation Is Bigger Than Body Positivity

4:03 Growing Up Terrified of Being Fat

12:14 Why Fat People Aren’t Allowed to Be Desirable

20:32 Ads

23:17 Who Decided Thin = Attractive?

27:49 When Doctors Blame Everything on Your Weight

36:31 Why “Just Go to the Gym” Is Bullshit

44:25 What Fat Allyship Actually Looks Like

49:12 Ads

51:37 Why Plus-Size Shopping Is a Different Reality

60:15 Why Are We So Afraid of Looking Fat?

64:09 “You Don’t Look Fat” Isn’t a Compliment

67:14 The Fatphobia You Don’t Know You Have

72:30 Ozempic, Heroin Chic & Why Thin Is Back

75:19 How Do We Actually Find Fat Joy?

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Your crush takes three hours to text back, and suddenly your brain has written, directed and cancelled the entire relationship. We’re unpacking queer neurodivergent dating, sex and intimacy with psychotherapist Frankie Talon Rose: rejection sensitivity, limerence, masking, sensory overload, autistic flirting, kink, consent and the ADHD brain thinking about laundry mid-hookup. From AuDHD dating chaos to shutdowns in long-term relationships, this is a practical, spicy guide to building love around the brain you actually have, not the neurotypical fantasy you were handed. Direct communication has never been hotter.

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00:00 Why Queer People Are More Likely to Be Autistic

02:26 Autism Self-Diagnosis vs. Formal Diagnosis

04:52 How Autism–Trans Research Gets Weaponized

06:24 What Is AuDHD? Autism + ADHD Explained

12:00 Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria in Dating

19:59 Limerence, Hyperfixation & Obsessive Crushes

26:31 Autistic Flirting & the Double Empathy Problem

32:21 Sensory Overload on First Dates

37:41 Masking and Unmasking in Relationships

41:53 Autistic Meltdowns: How Partners Can Help

46:11 ADHD, Hypersexuality & Sexual Impulsivity

50:00 Why ADHD Brains Get Distracted During Sex

55:12 Autism, Kink & Sensory Needs in Bed

59:52 AAC and Nonverbal Consent During Sex

1:03:37 Neurodivergent Shame, Sex & Self-Acceptance

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