Modern Love

When she was growing up, the writer Lindy West was bombarded with negative messages about being fat. The whole world seemed to think she didn’t deserve love unless she lost weight. In her first book, “Shrill,” West wrote about how hard it was to combat fatphobia within herself, in society and on the internet, where she was attacked by some particularly vicious trolls. By the end of the book, West had found confidence in herself. She also got married to the love of her life.

Now, West is opening up about a conflict that was built into her marriage from the start: She wanted to be monogamous. Her husband, Aham, did not. To make Aham happy, West agreed that he could see other people, but she was terrified of what would happen to her self-esteem if he ever acted on it. 

This week on “Modern Love,” West talks about what happened when Aham started seriously dating someone else. Once this new girlfriend entered the picture, it forced West to rethink her feelings about her marriage, and about herself. On the other side of all that tough emotional work, she was surprised to discover a new kind of joy. 

Lindy West’s latest book, “Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane,” comes out March 10.

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When Helena de Groot was a child, she pictured an exciting future for herself: living in a big city, getting an apartment with lots of plants, having a creative job and going dancing on the weekends. She never saw becoming a mother as part of that future. When people asked, she told them she didn’t want children. As she grew up, got married and watched her friends become parents, she stood by that decision.

But, deep down, she had doubts. The question of whether she was making the right decision for the right reasons consumed Helena’s thinking, and had profound implications for her life and marriage. This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, she discusses how she navigated uncertainty, how it changed her life and how she imagined her future.

Helena de Groot’s podcast about her experience, “Creation Myth,” is available from the CBC. 

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times

How to submit a Tiny Love Story

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Julia Stoller loved her dad. But she never wanted to be him. He was a rule follower, he was so serious, and he was so straight. Then, when Julia was in her 20s, she got a phone call that completely changed her idea of who her father was. And as he opened up to her, sharing secrets he had been holding onto for decades, she was finally able to open up to him, too.
This week on “Modern Love,” Anna talks to Julia about what happened when she had to get to know a whole new version of her dad, and what she learned about herself in the process.
You can read Julia’s original story in the Modern Love column.
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Email us at [email protected]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Recently, the “Modern Love” team asked you to share stories about the most romantic things that have ever happened to you. What struck us about your stories was how frequently romance was found in quiet, everyday actions: rubbing your loved one’s feet, paying the bill, changing a flat tire, eating dinner together on the porch. This week, in celebration of Valentine’s Day, we hear stories that remind us all how simple love can be. 
Then, we speak to the king and queen of Valentine's Day. For 30 years, Lonnie Anderson has made giant, over-the-top valentines for his wife, Anne Bolger Witherspoon, and has become a local legend in Albuquerque for doing so. The two tell us why Lonnie goes to the extraordinary lengths he does, and what it feels like for Anne to receive these extravagant, very public valentines. 
Find photos of Lonnie’s valentines here.
How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times
How to submit a Tiny Love Story

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Please note: this episode contains explicit descriptions of sex.
Jennette McCurdy pretty much grew up in front of an audience. In her role on the Nickelodeon show “iCarly,” she seemed like a bubbly, happy teenager. Behind the scenes, though, she was struggling. In her 2022 memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” McCurdy described her toxic and often abusive relationship with her mother, her struggles with depression and disordered eating, and the painful work she did to build herself back up. The book was a New York Times bestseller for over 80 weeks. 
McCurdy has a new book out, and this time, she’s written a novel. “Half His Age” tells the story of an intimate relationship between a 17-year-old girl named Waldo and her 40-year-old teacher, Mr. Korgy. This week on “Modern Love,” McCurdy explains how some of her own experiences inspired the story in “Half His Age,” and how writing the book allowed her to work through her rage, understand her desire and reclaim her power.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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