The Art of Manliness

• No, There Isn’t a Loneliness Epidemic (And That May Be an Even Bigger Problem)

  Face-to-face socializing in America has declined by more than 20% nationwide. Among some groups, like young adults and unmarried men, the drop is closer to 40%.But strangely, this hasn’t led to the loneliness epidemic that you hear so much about. Instead, we’re seeing a new phenomenon: rising aloneness without rising loneliness.Today on the show, Derek Thompson will help us understand this puzzling disconnect and its profound implications. Derek is a staff writer at The Atlantic who recently wrote a piece entitled “The Anti-Social Century.” In the first half of our conversation, Derek unpacks the cultural shifts and technological developments — and no, it’s not just the smartphone — that have created what he calls the “convenience curse.” We then get into why even self-described introverts are often happier when forced to socialize, the concerning trend of young men settling further and further into isolating, sedentary leisure, and practical ways we can strengthen our atrophied social muscles to become better, happier people.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: The Importance of Developing and Maintaining Your Social FitnessAoM Podcast #742: The Power of Talking to StrangersAoM Article: Introversion as an ExcuseAoM Podcast #176: The Vanishing Neighbor & The Transformation of American CommunityAoM Article: Use Technology Like the AmishConnect With Derek ThompsonDerek on X

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• Enter the Matrix — The Science of Slowing Down Time

  People commonly think of time as a fixed, linear, objective structure. But our own experiences belie this belief. We’ve all been in situations where time has seemed to drag on or speed up, and there are even whole periods of our lives that seem to have gone by slower or faster.As my guest Steve Taylor will explain, time is a lot more fluid and moldable than we often recognize. Steve is a psychologist and the author of Time Expansion Experiences: The Psychology of Time Perception and the Illusion of Linear Time. Today on the show, he unpacks the four laws of psychological time. He discusses the theories as to why time speeds up as we get older and what factors slow down and speed up time. We delve into the way time particularly expands in accidents and emergencies, giving people the ability to take life-saving measures. And we discuss why some people are more likely to have time expansion experiences than others, and what you can do to slow down time and make your life feel longer as a result.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: Be a Time Wizard — How to Slow Down and Speed Up TimeAoM Article: More Footage — Take the One-Month “Do Something New Every Day” ChallengeConnect With Steve TaylorSteve’s website

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• The Science of Porn: Myths, Facts, and Overlooked Issues

  Pornography is more prevalent and accessible than ever before, yet its effects on relationships, mental health, and human development aren't popularly well understood. Discussions on the topic are often engaged in from an emotional or religious point of view; less typical is a discussion of pornography from an empirical frame.My guest today, Dr. Brian Willoughby, a social scientist who has spent the past 15 years studying porn's impacts, will unpack what the research actually says about how it affects personal well-being, relationship satisfaction, and sexual expectations. We discuss the latest data on porn use across different demographics, how porn impacts religious versus non-religious populations differently, and how exposure affects kids. Brian shares whether using porn causes erectile dysfunction and depression, what parents should know about talking to their kids about porn, the main risk of porn that's typically under-discussed, and more.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM's series on porn and how to quit it (also available as an ebook)NYT article that Brian was interviewed for: "It’s Time to Talk About Pornography, Scholars Say"Most People With Addiction Simply Grow Out of ItNYT article: "The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking"Brian's researchConnect With Brian WilloughbyBrian's faculty pageBrian at the Wheatley Institute

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  54:09
• The Power of the Notebook — The History and Practice of Thinking on Paper

  The idea for the Art of Manliness came to me 17 years ago as I was standing in the magazine section of a Borders bookstore. As inspiration struck, I took my Moleskine out of my pocket and jotted down some notes, like potential names — I considered things like “The Manly Arts” before settling on “The Art of Manliness” — categories of content, and initial article ideas. Almost two decades later, the fruits of those notebook jottings are still bearing out.That’s the power of a pocket pad’s possibilities, something Roland Allen explores in The Notebook: A History of Thinking on Paper. Today on the show, Roland traces the fascinating history of notebooks and how they went from a business technology for accounting to a creative technology for artists. We talk about how famous figures from Leonardo da Vinci to Theodore Roosevelt used notebooks, the different forms notebooks have taken from the Italian zibaldone to the friendship book to the modern bullet journal, and why keeping a personal diary has fallen out of favor. Along the way, we discuss ways you can fruitfully use notebooks today, and why, even in our digital age, they remain an irreplaceable tool for thinking and creativity.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Article: 100 Ways to Use Your Pocket NotebookAoM Article: The Manly Tradition of the Pocket NotebookAoM Article: The Pocket Notebooks of 20 Famous MenAoM Podcast #194: The Field Notes of Theodore RooseveltAoM Article: The Right and Wrong Way to JournalAoM Article: Finally Understand How to Keep a Bullet JournalLeonardo da Vinci’s notebooksCharles Darwin’s notebooksJohn Locke’s Method for Commonplace BooksConnect With Roland AllenRoland’s website

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  52:19
• The 80/80 Marriage — A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship

  A lot of people go into marriage with a 50/50 mindset. Everything in the relationship — from tangible things like childcare and chores to intangible things like the effort and energy needed to keep the partnership going — is supposed to be divided equally.The 50/50 approach to relationships is all about fairness. And that seems sensible and rational.But, my guest says, it actually sabotages relational happiness.Nate Klemp is a former philosophy professor and the co-author, along with his wife, of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship. Today on the show, Nate shares how cognitive biases skew our perception of our contributions to a relationship, what happens when couples get stuck in the 50/50 mindset of domestic scorekeeping, and how shifting to an 80/80 model of “radical generosity” can create an upward spiral of connection and appreciation. And we discuss practical ways to divide household responsibilities, decide how much time to spend with each spouse’s respective parents, and establish values that will guide your partnership as you navigate life changes and work towards a spirit of shared success.Resources Related to the PodcastAoM article and podcast on how to hold a weekly marriage meetingAoM Article: Towards a Philosophy of Household ManagementAoM Article: Beware the Tit for Tat TrapConnect With Nate Klemp80/80 Marriage websiteNate’s websiteNate on LinkedInNate on IG

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