Russell Howard’s Five Brilliant Things

• Troy Deeney

  Insider tips on how to take the perfect penalty? We got ‘em. Genuinely fascinating insights from a man with a better record than many others. Troy Deeney was Watford’s talisman and striker for years, and now is on our screens as pundit with the main sports broadcasters.  He’s got a fascinating life story to tell involving some pretty hard stories about his upbringing, a stint in prison and how he’s kept himself together through it all.  OH, and one thing that’s worth mentioning… There’s a description of footballer’s toenails about a third of the way through. If you’re a little squeamish then give that a forward scrub. Footballers have the mankiest toenails. Yeurch.  ⚽️ Troy has setup Vision Football Factory in Tamworth – it plays an important role in the Birmingham area, providing a safe & quality space for young people to play football & build community. The website is www.visionfootballfactory.com and you can find them on Instagram at @visionfootballfactory You can also catch Troy on various broadcast platforms covering football, and finally you could follow Troy on Instagram to see everything he’s up to - his handle is @t_deeney. ⚽️ Russell is out on the road also, with dates across the world. He’s zipping around with such ferocity that I couldn’t possibly pinpoint where on the planet he’ll be when you read this. Stay up to date at russell-howard.co.uk - which is also where you can stream Russell’s latest smash hit hour-long special. It’s not been long out and it’s bloody good.  If you’d like to get the podcast without being interrupted by adverts, and get an extra show every week, AND get it all a day before everyone else, then you can! You can join our Patreon for less than the cost of a pint of beer a month (or maybe two pints of orange juice if you’re not a booze hound). Click this link to join or find out more: patreon.com/RussellHoward   There we go. That’s this week’s missive.  Thanks for being part of all this because really if you didn’t read this then it wouldn’t be worth writing.  Only joking. I know there’s nobody reading this far down.  It’s just me, alone with my thoughts, spurting out nonsense that nobody will ever see. I could say anything. I could say all the cancellable stuff.  Obviously I won’t because I’m nothing if not a coward. I don’t really want to be up on a work tribunal explaining why I wrote awful things in a podcast notes sign-off. That’s no way to lose it all. I’ll stick to aimless rambling in the wind.  See you later, nobody. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  1:09:54
• William Hanson

  Etiquette expert William Hanson is with us, and he’s had enough of being asked the correct way to touch yourself under the table. Do you want to find out the correct way to do the incorrect things? It’s all in this podcast with one of the most charming, funny men in Britain.  🌂 William goes through his Five Brilliant Things, including Mary Poppins (you won’t believe how many times he’s seen the stage show. It’s a bigger number than the one you are thinking of). There is also a very informative discussion on the practical and sartorial pros and cons of becoming a cape wearer on the regular. 🌂 📖 William’s wit and wisdom is available for you to own and refer to at your whim, in the form of paper with ink symbols printed on it. I believe you earthlings refer to these things as ‘books’. William’s latest book is called ‘Just Good Manners’ and it is a breezy, informative and deeply fun read.  You can either get this at your local independent bookshop, or you can go online and get it here. 📖 In the Patreon episode, things take a real turn because you heathens got us to ask William to explain the dos and don’ts of rimming.  Yeah. Exactly. Thanks. Anyway it’s all in there. It’s fascinating, and obviously very funny. If you’re not a Patreon member this could be the week to get involved. 🍩👅 Click this link to join or find out more: patreon.com/RussellHoward   And that’s that. If you want to get your grubby mitts on more Brilliant Things, then you can. We’d prefer you washed them first of course, but if you like those digits dirty, then we can’t stop you. We will be back here next week with a catwalk of Brilliance for you to poke. Goodnight my pretty. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  1:07:31
• Andy Zaltzman

  Can Russell convince Andy to go to a Water Park? And can Andy convince Russell to visit an Ancient Greek Citadel? It’s a tussle for the ages.  This episode of Five Brilliant Things all comes from the brains of comedian and cricket statistics royalty, Andy Zaltzman.  It is, frankly, a fiesta of culture. From obscure Ancient Greek plays to casting sculptures in bronze the depth and breadth of Andy’s magnificent brains are on full display. Oh, yes, there’s also a smattering of cricket chat. Just a smattering. About an over’s worth. 🏏 Andy is fast becoming a household name for his work on Test Match Special, but he is first and foremost an outstanding comedian with some of the most original, funny and brilliant satirical routines out there.  His current one man show is touring theatres across the UK right now. It is called ‘The Zaltgeist’ and you can find out the dates and book the tickets by going to andyzaltzman.co.uk.  🎤 Russell’s doing some gigs in Scandinavia 🫎 and then India, Hong Kong and some even further flung places. If you’re in those places then get tickets and dates by going to russell-howard.co.uk.  And there endeth the sermon. Hopefully your souls are all now saved, or at least not quite as filthy as when you walked into this chapel. Now go out there, love thy neighbour and all that shit.  🙏 Amen. Producer: Dan Atkinson Line Producer: Daisy Knight Exec Producer: James Taylor Composer: Fat Lady Music Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  1:10:41
• Jessie Cave

  There is something wonderful about this episode. Jessie has been through a lot. She’s taken more life thrown at her than most other people could handle, yet there is still an emphatic positivity that shines through. These Five Brilliant Things have a bittersweet quality to them which makes for a tender, funny and terrific show. Jessie talked about her novel ‘Sunset’ on the podcast, and it really is a great piece of work, highly recommended. Please either buy it from an independent bookshop, or you could get it online HERE.   Jessie also has a podcast called ‘Whenever it Kicks’ which is about parenthood, life generally and more - give that a look HERE.  In our Patreon show with Jessie this week, her Five Brilliant Questions did tend towards the Harry Potter, I’ll be honest. But there was none of that in the main show so it was fascinating hearing what it was like on set, what cliques there were - and then we get into the real business of Jessie and Russell discussing the finer points of filming sex scenes.  Do I have your attention? It’s all in our Patreon which you can find here patreon.com/RussellHoward  And now you can see the walls coming back into focus as we descend back into the real world and leave this astral plane of blurb. It’s been a wild trip and it has been a humbling experience to be your spirit guide through this.  If you ever regain your sanity maybe we’ll see you again next week?  Good Day to You, Enlightened One. Producer: Dan Atkinson Line Producer: Daisy Knight Exec Producer: James Taylor Composer: Fat Lady Music Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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  1:05:34
• Al Murray

  Would you expect to find the Pub Landlord chowing down in a Wagamama? Neither would we but it’s exactly where he’ll be. Al Murray tells Russell why he always has the same noodles, the best place to get pissed in Ireland and a sidetrack into trained cannon musicians.  Al Murray is a proper British treasure. If you only know him as the Pub Landlord then there’s so much more - he gives so much History, explains some fascinating background to percussion (he’s a dab hand percussionist) and is a font of knowledge that refuses to stop spewing interesting stuff all over the podcast floor.  It was a nightmare to clean up but that’s NOT YOUR PROBLEM. As you heard on the podcast Al makes a regular WW2 podcast ‘We Have Ways of Making you Talk’ which you can find HERE.  If you haven’t seen Al live, then you really should. One of the best. Such a great comic. He’s just extended his current tour ‘Guv Island’. Check out the tour dates and get tickets by visiting Al’s website www.thepublandlord.com In our Patreon Show this week, Al answers your questions, telling us which country is best at wars in history ever, he recommends the greatest drum solo ever recorded and Russell tells Al about the best/worst prank that was ever played on him. It is a cruel one. Really spicy. Go to: patreon.com/RussellHoward to get involved. We want to see you there, it’s a lot of fun and you can join for free to start with so nothing to lose!  I believe that’s all the housekeeping. If you’re still with me on this epic reading journey then well done. As a treat, I will tell you that I think the word ‘shoffice’ is the worst in the English Language. And I don’t mind mashing two words together at all, but everything about shoffice is ugly - it demeans two perfectly good words, and ideas, and the word, concept and everything about it is bleak. It’s not a shoffice it’s a shed with a computer in it.  There you go. Some ‘treat’ that was. Until next time, and remember to wrap up warm. You can’t catch a cold by going out dressed like that (it’s a virus, that’s not how colds work) but you will look like a plucked chicken. Bye bye.  Producer: Dan Atkinson Line Producer: Daisy Knight Exec Producer: James Taylor Composer: Fat Lady Music Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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