This week on the podcast, I sat down with Dr. Jamie Goff — executive coach, therapist, and author of The Secure Leader. Our conversation goes deep into something many leaders feel but rarely explore: how our early attachment patterns quietly follow us into the workplace.
Jamie breaks attachment theory down into something extremely practical for leaders. At the core are two questions we all carry:
Am I worthy of connection?
Can I trust others to show up for me?
Our answers tend to show up at work in three ways. One of those ways is that of a “secure leader”: Grounded, steady, and empowering — the hallmark of modern servant leadership.
Leaders who do the inner work of a Secure Leader create workplaces where people can flourish.
Bio
Dr. Jaime Goff is the founder of The Empathic Leader, LLC, where she specializes in helping leaders unlock their full potential through executive coaching, insightful workshops, and thought-provoking keynotes. Jaime holds a PhD in Couple and Family Therapy from Michigan State University and a graduate certificate in executive coaching from Southern Methodist University
What if the way you were raised is quietly shaping the way you lead today? In this episode, Marcel Schwantes sits down with Dr. Jamie Goff, psychotherapist, executive coach, and author of The Secure Leader, to explore how attachment theory, trauma, and our earliest relationship patterns influence our leadership style. Jamie reveals why even high-performing leaders can fall into controlling behaviors or approval-seeking patterns, and how doing the inner work of self-awareness and emotional regulation can transform anyone into a secure, grounded, people-first leader.
Summary:
Dr. Jamie Goff joins the show to explain how childhood attachment, emotional wiring, and early relational experiences shape the stories leaders live out today. She breaks down avoidant, anxious, and secure leadership styles and shares how her own upbringing led to over-independence, self-protection, and control until a courageous team member helped her see her blind spot. Jamie details why trauma, triggers, and old patterns resurface in the workplace and offers practical steps for becoming a more secure leader, including self-awareness, deconstructing your inner story, and practicing emotional self-regulation. Her message is simple: leaders can change, and secure leadership is both learnable and transformational.
Quotes:
“We are not prisoners to our previous patterns, because we all have the power to become more secure.”
“Your leadership is shaped long before you ever enter a leadership role.”
“To love others well as a leader, you first have to believe you are worthy of love yourself.”
“Emotional regulation is the first step toward showing up as a secure and present leader.”
“All behavior makes sense in context, especially when you understand your story.”
Takeaways:
“We are not prisoners to our previous patterns, because we all have the power to become more secure.”
“Your leadership is shaped long before you ever enter a leadership role.”
“To love others well as a leader, you first have to believe you are worthy of love yourself.”
“Emotional regulation is the first step toward showing up as a secure and present leader.”
“All behavior makes sense in context, especially when you understand your story.”
Timestamps:
00:02 Intro and podcast milestones
05:12 Meet Dr. Jamie Goff and her personal story
07:21 The “latchkey kid” upbringing and over-independence
10:55 Why she wrote The Secure Leader
13:26 Attachment theory explained
15:21 How unworthiness shapes controlling or approval-seeking leadership
18:50 Jamie’s aha moment as a young leader
21:34 Gaining awareness and deconstructing your story
24:07 Avoidant, anxious, and secure leadership styles
28:44 Trauma, triggers, and past patterns repeating at work
32:18 The cost of skipping inner work
37:49 First steps to becoming a secure leader
40:06 Where to take the Secure Leader style scan
41:37 Speed round
45:52 Jamie’s hope for more secure leadership
48:31 Leading with love and building self-worth
50:56 Final takeaway on moving slow to move fast
52:57 How to connect with Dr. Jamie Goff
Conclusion:
This conversation reminds us that leadership is fundamentally an inside job. Blind spots are not signs of failure but evidence that we are human, shaped by patterns, histories, and motives we do not always see. By understanding identity shifts, naming our traits and emotional patterns, and getting honest about what truly drives us, we gain more choice in how we show up. Rather than chasing dramatic transformation, Marty urges leaders to embrace small, focused behavioral changes—asking more questions, listening longer, or dialing down an overused strength. Over time, those small tweaks compound into deeper authenticity, healthier relationships, and more effective, human-centered leadership.
Links/Resources:
Website (take the assessment)- https://drjaimegoff.com/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/drjaimegoff/
Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Secure-Leader-Discover-Leadership-Story/dp/B0FBZ39H8Y/
Email Dr. Goff:
[email protected]