Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

• MFP 347 Families Under Fire - Facing Cultural Challenges

  The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput   Summary   In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers—especially in having honest conversations with teenage sons about life’s toughest issues. Alicia offers encouragement for wives supporting their husbands as spiritual leaders, even in the messiness of daily life. Together, they share practical strategies for cultivating virtue—reminding parents that even when kids bring out our weaknesses, God uses family life to make us holy.   Key Takeaways We always need to start with ourselves when we come up against difficult relationships in the family.  All of us are to work on helping other family members - spouse and children - to grow in holiness.  Your family culture needs to be strong to inoculate your children against the culture of the world. Parents’ love for each other and joy in their relationship is essential in bringing peace and positivity to the home.  The father’s role in the life of his teen son and in the spiritual leadership of the home is irreplaceable.  It is not your job to make your kids into saints - its their job to make you into a saint!  Couple Discussion Questions What do we need to work on in our marriage to bring more love and joy into our home?  How can we be a better example for our kids?  Are there issues with our kids that we need to discuss?  What do we need to improve in our family culture?    Resources Anger in Parenting https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-076-anger-in-parenting/ Preparing for Adolescence: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/ Women Wonderfully Made Webinar Catholiccouplesgetaway.com

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• MFP 346: Jake & Heather Khym on Discipleship, Parenting, and Authentic Connection

  "Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym   Summary In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don’t miss it!   Key Takeaways The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father. Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us.  He is drawn to our weakness.  Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children’s saviors.  We are not. They need God more than they need us.  When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down.  Then see ourselves as God sees us.  In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame.  We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives.    Couple Discussion Questions On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for.  Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship.  How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father?  How can we see as God sees?    

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• MFP 345: The Tech Exit with Clare Morell

  “If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell Summary It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way!  If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives.     Key Takeaways Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful?  Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction.   Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low.   Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play.  Screens make us all feel like we don’t need other people.  It decreases community inherently,  Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained.  We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom.     Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now?  Are we happy with our own screen time?  How can we be better?  How have screens affected our family life?  What do we want to change about this?    Resources thetechexit.com  clare.morell.substack.com Messy Family Guide to Tech:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/  

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• MFP 344: From Control to Connection: Disciplining Teens with Heart

  Summary Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ. We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools. Topics include: • Building trust and fostering independence • Avoiding the trap of control or punishment • Communicating values in a way teens can hear • Creating rules that actually work Couple Discussion Questions In what ways do we tend to default to control instead of connection when our teens challenge us? How can we help each other start with our own hearts before reacting to difficult teen behavior? What opportunities can we create this week to invest in one-on-one connection with our teen(s)? Are there any household rules we need to revisit or simplify to better serve our teens’ growth? What does it mean to us to parent for Christian maturity rather than just obedience?  

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• MFP 343: How to Love Your Family

  “The two great commandments name the three loves – loving God, loving neighbor, and loving yourself. All three loves are necessary and central to our Faith.  All three.” - Dr. Peter Malinowski   Summary How can I learn to truly love my family?  The reality is that the degree to which you love yourself will be the maximum that you can love your family.  Ordered self-love is not an optional thing – it’s essential.  This is especially true for spouses and parents because their love is tied intimately to the full flourishing of others, namely, their children!  We are made in God’s image and likeness, which means that, like the Trinity, we are constantly in relationship with others and even with ourselves.  Learning to love ourselves directly affects how well we can love others.  Listen in for advice from Dr. Peter Malinowski, Catholic psychologist and teacher in the field of therapy using Internal Family Systems.  This podcast is essential to learn how to love your spouse and children well, by first learning to love yourself.     Key Takeaways We are made in the image and likeness of God, which means that like the Trinity, we have the capacity for relationship within ourselves. The primary human relationship that we have is with ourselves, then others.  90% of conflicts with your spouse are a reaction to unresolved issues from the past, not what is happening in the present.   The “innermost self” is the core of the person, who we really are.  Our “parts” are small personalities inside of us who battle within us.    Couple Discussion Questions How can you begin to see each other the way that God sees you?  Think about a conflict you had recently.  Ask your spouse, “Tell be about why you felt the way you did.” and be open to learning more.    Resources To find a therapist:  www.soulsandhearts.com/therapists Interior Integration for Catholics podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/interior-integration-for-catholics/id1503898046 Epidode 157 to 159 for an overview of IFS To learn more: https://www.soulsandhearts.com/

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