I Love You, Too

Dear Listener, are you a late-in-life virgin feeling broken, behind, or like something is fundamentally wrong with you?
Do you avoid dating altogether because you dread the moment you'd have to disclose your virginity?
If virgin shame is keeping you stuck in isolation — and making partnered sex that much less likely — you’re in the right place.
In this episode, we welcome back Relationship Center psychotherapist and sex therapist Cat Fillmore to explore how to date as a virgin with confidence, self-compassion, and hope.
Cat starts by reframing the conversation entirely: What does "virgin" even mean, and who decided? She challenges the narrow definition most of us inherited and invites us toward something more liberating.
From there, we dive into practical late bloomer dating advice. Cat explains why the skills that make for great sex aren't actually about experience—and how you can start developing them right now. She shares a "yes, no, maybe" framework for building confidence with boundaries, an essential part of pleasurable sex.
We also tackle the big question: should I tell them I'm a virgin, and when? Cat explains how to recognize when someone has earned the honor of your vulnerability—and what to look for before you share.
Finally, Cat offers a reality check for anyone struggling to overcome virgin stigma. Spoiler alert: The data might surprise you—you're far from alone as a late bloomer.
If shame has been keeping you on the sidelines, this episode offers a compassionate, empowering path forward.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Intro
01:30 What does it even mean to be a virgin?
07:38 How do I date as a late-in-life virgin?
18:31 Should I tell my date I'm a virgin—and when?
30:14 How do I stop feeling broken or behind as a late-in-life virgin?
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Cat!), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you exhausted by the endless swipe-and-scroll cycle of dating apps? Do you wish potential matches could get to know the real you—not just a few photos and a character-limited bio? Well then, I’d like you to meet my friend, Date-Me Doc.
Date-Me Docs are standalone documents (typically housed in Google Docs or Notion) that live outside dating apps and give you space to share who you truly are, what you're looking for, and why you'd make a great partner.
But here's the twist: we believe creating a Date-Me Doc is valuable even if you never share it with anyone. Why? Because the process forces you to get crystal clear on what you want—and as we like to say, love favors the clear-sighted. That clarity will serve you whether you're swiping on Hinge, chatting someone up at a coffee shop, or asking friends to set you up.
In this episode, we walk you through our recommended structure, how to use photos effectively, why vulnerability attracts (not repels!) the right people, and how to share your Date-Me Doc with cuties you meet in real life (Josh even role-plays it for you!).
If you're craving a slower, more intentional approach to dating—one focused on depth over dopamine—this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Introduction and Overview
01:21 What is a Date-Me Doc?
05:21 Why should you create a Date-Me doc?
15:45 How to write a Date-Me Doc
22:22 Crafting Your Unique 'Me' Section
26:19 Describing Your Ideal Partner in the 'You' Section
29:29 Creating the 'We' Section and Final Tips
Resources and links
Tired of Dating Apps, Some Turn to ‘Date-Me Docs’ - NY Times
Date Me Directory
Date-Me Doc Template
Ep. 15 - Online Dating 102: Perfecting Your Profile & Photos
Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner
Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you stuck in singleness limbo—eternally swiping and messaging? Do you rarely get past dates one or two, and never into a long-term relationship? Does it seem like you almost never meet someone who feels unquestionably right for you?
What if the thing keeping you single isn’t your profile, lack of dating skills, or bad luck, but your brain running scared from doubt?
In this episode, we explore an oft-missed culprit for chronic singledom: Relationship OCD (ROCD). We sit down with Relationship Center psychotherapist, sex therapist, and dating coach Cat Fillmore to unpack how this misunderstood form of OCD can quietly sabotage your dating life.
Cat explains what ROCD actually is (spoiler: it’s not just “being picky”) and how it shows up as an obsessional cycle: a trigger, an intrusive thought (“Do I really like them enough?”), spiraling meaning-making, intense anxiety, and then compulsions like endless Googling, reassurance-seeking from friends, or constant “checking” of your feelings.
You’ll hear how ROCD can lead people to swipe endlessly, dismiss promising matches over tiny details, or cut things off after 1–3 dates because the connection doesn’t feel perfectly “just right.” Cat also shares how to tell the difference between ordinary dating anxiety and ROCD, why self-diagnosing is tricky, and why working with an OCD-informed therapist matters.
Most importantly, Cat offers hope: ROCD is highly treatable—often with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—and you can learn to live with doubt, date more freely, and build real, lasting love.
If fear about the “what ifs” of a relationship makes dating feel painful or pointless, this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
00:00 - Intro
03:01 - What is Relationship OCD?
09:28 - What are some of the signs ROCD might be sabotaging your dating life?
23:13 - Can can someone with ROCD find lasting love? How?
Resources and links
For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, we’re back!
In this short note, we pop in to say hello, share what we’ve been cooking up, and let you know what’s coming next on I Love You Too. Think: Date-Me Docs, crafting a clear relationship vision, and juicy interviews—including a deep dive with Cat Fillmore on one of the most overlooked reasons people stay chronically single.
If you’ve missed us, the feeling is mutual. Subscribe, send us your questions, and buckle up for a very relationship-nerdy season ahead.
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

Dear Listener, we have some exciting updates—and a big life change—to share!
In this special episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what’s ahead for the podcast, our work at The Relationship Center, and our family! We’re excited to share some personal and professional changes that will dramatically shape what we’re up to in 2025, including temporarily pressing “pause” on creating new episodes.
Don’t worry – while we’re tending to the exciting happenings behind the scenes, there are many ways you can connect with us, whether through our past episodes, blog content, or working with us directly via therapy or coaching. If you’ve been thinking about deepening your relationship skills or getting dating support, now’s the perfect time to explore what we offer.
Plus, we take a moment to reflect on our recent big life changes and how they might encourage you if you feel down about your relationship prospects. Tune in for all the details—we promise, this is an update you won’t want to miss!
We’ll miss you during our brief pause, Dear Listener, but we’d love to hear from you! Send us your questions, thoughts, and encouragement to [email protected].
We’ll be back before you know it. Until then, we love you too!
Resources and links
If you’d like to work with one of us or another talented clinician on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
If you’d like to learn more about intensives, check out our brochure here: https://relationshipcenter.com/s/Intensives-Brochure.pdf
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
For more podcast episodes, visit https://relationshipcenter.com/podcast
For more written content, check out our blog: https://relationshipcenter.com/blog