I Love You, Too

Dear Listener, have you ever felt like you're competing with your partner's job, phone, friends, or hobbies for their attention? Or maybe you've been on the other side—accused of not prioritizing your partner when you didn't even realize you were doing it? Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just starting to date someone new, this episode is for you. (Singles: stick around until the end for dating-specific tips on managing thirds from day one.)
In this episode, we dive into one of the most common causes of relationship problems: mismanaged thirds. "Thirds" is a concept from Stan Tatkin that refers to anything outside the couple—people, things, or activities—that can leave one or both partners feeling neglected or sidelined. When thirds aren't managed well, the couple bubble gets compromised, and the relationship suffers.
We explore why thirds threaten your sense of safety and security, the signs of relationship trouble to watch for (hint: it's not always about the thing you're fighting about), and how to protect your relationship by setting boundaries that actually work. Spoiler: the answer isn't "stop doing the thing" or "stop caring"—it's something more nuanced that leaves neither partner feeling like they've lost.
This is the first episode in a four-part series on managing thirds—stay tuned for deep dives on healing from betrayal, navigating in-laws, and ethical non-monogamy.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Intro
01:53 What are "thirds"—and why do they threaten your relationship?
21:09 How do you protect your relationship from mismanaged thirds?
31:26 Managing thirds in early dating
Resources and links
Your Brain on Love by Stan Tatkin (audiobook)
The Ten Commandments for a Secure-Functioning Relationship by Stan Tatkin (blog post)
Ep. 20 - Understanding Jealousy, Compersion & Attachment in Relationships (podcast episode)
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, you know those couples who somehow manage to stay connected and loving no matter what? Life is full-on life-ing at them, and somehow they seem stronger because of it. How do they do it?
In this episode, we’ll explore one of the most powerful things you can do to build a relationship that thrives over the long haul: crafting your relationship's purpose and vision.
Lasting, intentional partnerships are built on a foundation sturdier than the transient love chemicals that flood your brain at the start of a relationship, or a shared love for [insert common interest here]. A relationship purpose and vision hold couples steady through sleepless nights, career stress, health scares, and all the curveballs life throws.
Whether you're single and dreaming about your future relationship or already in a relationship and want to align more deeply, this conversation is for you.
Your relationship purpose answers the question: Why are we together? It's the animating force beneath your partnership—something like "to help each other grow," "to heal together," or "to have each other's backs through life." Your relationship vision answers: Where are we headed? It's the picture of what you're creating together—how you want to raise kids, support each other's dreams, and show up when times get tough.
We share our own purpose and vision (including a sweet impromptu exercise imagining ourselves five years from now), offer prompts to help you craft yours, and explain why "love" and "kids" alone aren't enough to sustain a long-term partnership.
If you’re all in on creating a future-proofed relationship capable of joy over the long haul, this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Intro
01:45 Why craft a relationship purpose and vision?
11:55 How to create your relationship purpose
20:03 How to craft your relationship vision
34:54 How to use your relationship purpose and vision
Resources and links
Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner
Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner
The PACT Institute (Stan Tatkin’s organization): Shared Purpose, Shared Vision, and Shared Principles of Governance (blog post)
We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love by Stan Tatkin (book)
Downloadable Guide: Crafting Your Relationship Purpose and Vision
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, does communicating with your partner sometimes feel like an uphill battle? Do you find yourself saying things you don't mean—or struggling to say what you do mean without it landing as an attack? What if there were a way to communicate that actually brought you closer, even during conflict?
In this episode, we're joined by Relationship Center therapist and couples counselor Nicole Penrod to explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—a powerful framework for transforming how you and your partner talk to each other.
Nicole breaks down the basics of NVC (also called compassionate communication), originally developed by Marshall Rosenberg. At its core, NVC helps us move from reactive, judgmental communication to empathetic, connecting conversation. Think less jackal (defensive, fear-driven) and more giraffe (big-hearted, slow, and steady).
We walk through the four steps of NVC—Observation, Feeling, Need, Request (OFNR)—with real examples, including Jessica getting pretend-mad at Josh about socks on the floor. You'll learn why "I feel abandoned" isn't actually a feeling, how to set your partner up for success (and vice versa!), and why asking for what you want can help heal attachment wounds.
If you're tired of the same old fights and ready to communicate with more compassion—for your partner and yourself—this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
0:00 Intro
06:07 What is NVC?
10:45 What are the NVC basics?
18:28 Name the Need
21:04 Requests Without Demands
32:01 How do I actually use NVC with my partner?
Resources and links
Decolonizing NVC
Book: Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication
Podcast episode with the author: https://www.skepticspath.org/podcast/decolonizing-nonviolent-communication-with-meenadchi/

Feelings and Needs Lists: https://www.sociocracyforall.org/nvc-feelings-and-needs-list/
Nicole’s favorite video introduction of the basics: https://roxannemanning.com/an-introduction-to-nvc/
On the 4 listening modes: https://seedofpeace.org/nvc-introductory-articles/four-ways-of-listening/
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you a late-in-life virgin feeling broken, behind, or like something is fundamentally wrong with you?
Do you avoid dating altogether because you dread the moment you'd have to disclose your virginity?
If virgin shame is keeping you stuck in isolation — and making partnered sex that much less likely — you’re in the right place.
In this episode, we welcome back Relationship Center psychotherapist and sex therapist Cat Fillmore to explore how to date as a virgin with confidence, self-compassion, and hope.
Cat starts by reframing the conversation entirely: What does "virgin" even mean, and who decided? She challenges the narrow definition most of us inherited and invites us toward something more liberating.
From there, we dive into practical late bloomer dating advice. Cat explains why the skills that make for great sex aren't actually about experience—and how you can start developing them right now. She shares a "yes, no, maybe" framework for building confidence with boundaries, an essential part of pleasurable sex.
We also tackle the big question: should I tell them I'm a virgin, and when? Cat explains how to recognize when someone has earned the honor of your vulnerability—and what to look for before you share.
Finally, Cat offers a reality check for anyone struggling to overcome virgin stigma. Spoiler alert: The data might surprise you—you're far from alone as a late bloomer.
If shame has been keeping you on the sidelines, this episode offers a compassionate, empowering path forward.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Intro
01:30 What does it even mean to be a virgin?
07:38 How do I date as a late-in-life virgin?
18:31 Should I tell my date I'm a virgin—and when?
30:14 How do I stop feeling broken or behind as a late-in-life virgin?
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Cat!), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

Dear Listener, are you exhausted by the endless swipe-and-scroll cycle of dating apps? Do you wish potential matches could get to know the real you—not just a few photos and a character-limited bio? Well then, I’d like you to meet my friend, Date-Me Doc.
Date-Me Docs are standalone documents (typically housed in Google Docs or Notion) that live outside dating apps and give you space to share who you truly are, what you're looking for, and why you'd make a great partner.
But here's the twist: we believe creating a Date-Me Doc is valuable even if you never share it with anyone. Why? Because the process forces you to get crystal clear on what you want—and as we like to say, love favors the clear-sighted. That clarity will serve you whether you're swiping on Hinge, chatting someone up at a coffee shop, or asking friends to set you up.
In this episode, we walk you through our recommended structure, how to use photos effectively, why vulnerability attracts (not repels!) the right people, and how to share your Date-Me Doc with cuties you meet in real life (Josh even role-plays it for you!).
If you're craving a slower, more intentional approach to dating—one focused on depth over dopamine—this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Introduction and Overview
01:21 What is a Date-Me Doc?
05:21 Why should you create a Date-Me doc?
15:45 How to write a Date-Me Doc
22:22 Crafting Your Unique 'Me' Section
26:19 Describing Your Ideal Partner in the 'You' Section
29:29 Creating the 'We' Section and Final Tips
Resources and links
Tired of Dating Apps, Some Turn to ‘Date-Me Docs’ - NY Times
Date Me Directory
Date-Me Doc Template
Ep. 15 - Online Dating 102: Perfecting Your Profile & Photos
Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partner
Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner
Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!