I Love You, Too

• Are You Too Picky—or Is It ROCD?

  Dear Listener, are you stuck in singleness limbo—eternally swiping and messaging? Do you rarely get past dates one or two, and never into a long-term relationship? Does it seem like you almost never meet someone who feels unquestionably right for you?What if the thing keeping you single isn’t your profile, lack of dating skills, or bad luck, but your brain running scared from doubt?In this episode, we explore an oft-missed culprit for chronic singledom: Relationship OCD (ROCD). We sit down with Relationship Center psychotherapist, sex therapist, and dating coach Cat Fillmore to unpack how this misunderstood form of OCD can quietly sabotage your dating life.Cat explains what ROCD actually is (spoiler: it’s not just “being picky”) and how it shows up as an obsessional cycle: a trigger, an intrusive thought (“Do I really like them enough?”), spiraling meaning-making, intense anxiety, and then compulsions like endless Googling, reassurance-seeking from friends, or constant “checking” of your feelings.You’ll hear how ROCD can lead people to swipe endlessly, dismiss promising matches over tiny details, or cut things off after 1–3 dates because the connection doesn’t feel perfectly “just right.” Cat also shares how to tell the difference between ordinary dating anxiety and ROCD, why self-diagnosing is tricky, and why working with an OCD-informed therapist matters.Most importantly, Cat offers hope: ROCD is highly treatable—often with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—and you can learn to live with doubt, date more freely, and build real, lasting love.If fear about the “what ifs” of a relationship makes dating feel painful or pointless, this episode is for you.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro03:01 - What is Relationship OCD?09:28 - What are some of the signs ROCD might be sabotaging your dating life?23:13 - Can can someone with ROCD find lasting love? How?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastHave a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

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• We’re Back! Big Dating & Relationship Conversations Coming Your Way

  Dear Listener, we’re back!In this short note, we pop in to say hello, share what we’ve been cooking up, and let you know what’s coming next on I Love You Too. Think: Date-Me Docs, crafting a clear relationship vision, and juicy interviews—including a deep dive with Cat Fillmore on one of the most overlooked reasons people stay chronically single.If you’ve missed us, the feeling is mutual. Subscribe, send us your questions, and buckle up for a very relationship-nerdy season ahead.Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.

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• Announcing big life changes! Plus, what to expect from the show in 2025.

  Dear Listener, we have some exciting updates—and a big life change—to share!In this special episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on what’s ahead for the podcast, our work at The Relationship Center, and our family! We’re excited to share some personal and professional changes that will dramatically shape what we’re up to in 2025, including temporarily pressing “pause” on creating new episodes.Don’t worry – while we’re tending to the exciting happenings behind the scenes, there are many ways you can connect with us, whether through our past episodes, blog content, or working with us directly via therapy or coaching. If you’ve been thinking about deepening your relationship skills or getting dating support, now’s the perfect time to explore what we offer. Plus, we take a moment to reflect on our recent big life changes and how they might encourage you if you feel down about your relationship prospects. Tune in for all the details—we promise, this is an update you won’t want to miss!We’ll miss you during our brief pause, Dear Listener, but we’d love to hear from you! Send us your questions, thoughts, and encouragement to [email protected]. We’ll be back before you know it. Until then, we love you too!Resources and linksIf you’d like to work with one of us or another talented clinician on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.If you’d like to learn more about intensives, check out our brochure here: https://relationshipcenter.com/s/Intensives-Brochure.pdfTo get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.For more podcast episodes, visit https://relationshipcenter.com/podcastFor more written content, check out our blog: https://relationshipcenter.com/blog

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• (Rebroadcast) How pacing can help you find love that lasts

  Do your relationships tend to develop at a romantic comedy pace, only to get messy fast and fall apart dramatically? If you’ve struggled to find sustainable, lasting love, then this episode is for you. Learn about common pacing pitfalls that prevent couples from building stable partnerships, including red flags such as love bombing, how pacing can help you work skillfully with the “addiction” of love, and what to do when your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s.Key Takeaways00:00 - Intro02:38 - What is pacing in dating? And why should we care?19:23 - How can we pace the development of a new relationship for long-term success?36:43 - What are signs that pacing is off in a new relationship?50:11 - What if your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s pacing?Resources and linksFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastEp. 1 - You Aren’t Crazy, Dating is Hard (Especially for Anxious Folx)Ep. 2 - What to look for in a long-term partnerEight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.Natalie Lue’s blog Baggage Reclaim🤓 Prefer to read rather than listen? Check out Ep. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lasts for a full blog post.Have a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

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• (Rebroadcast) What to look for in a long-term partner

  What makes a good long-term partner, according to science? And why is it important to be mindful when we are choosing who to settle down with? In this episode, we dig into the research about what to look for and — equally important — what not to look for in a long-term partner. Plus, how do you clarify what you need in a partner? How can you differentiate between dealbreakers and “nice-to-haves” so that you can more effectively date?Key Takeaways00:00:00 - Intro and episode overview00:02:42 - Why be mindful of who we choose as a long-term partner?00:06:14 - What science says about what makes a good long-term partner00:25:19 - What doesn’t make someone a good partner, according to research00:51:21 - How to clarify what you need in a partner01:04:40 - How to clarify what you want vs. what you needResources MentionedFor full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcastDownloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner (includes the Relationship Inventory and the Ideal Mate Exercise)Warren Buffett says the most important decision you’ll ever make has nothing to do with your money or careerStudy from Tel Aviv: Dissatisfaction with Married Life in Men Is Related to Increased Stroke and All-Cause MortalityHarvard Study of Adult DevelopmentPlays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong, By Eric BarkerThe Gottman InstituteHow to Not Die Alone, by Logan UryDeeper Dating, by Ken PagePeople Are Dating All Wrong, According to Data ScienceHave a question or comment? Email us at [email protected]. We love hearing from you!If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

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