DATE YOUR WIFE

Garrett and Danielle are proponents of dating your spouse AT LEAST once a week. They understand that adding young children to the mix can sometimes present a challenge but know that your relationship MUST come first if you want it to last. In this week’s episode, the White’s share tips for what has worked for them, as well as what hasn’t worked for them, in their quest to find babysitters and nannies. Where they ultimately hit the jackpot might actually surprise you. “Encore presentation from January 2019.”     Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Routines & Consistency Both Garrett and Danielle feel like this podcast has been so good for their marriage. It’s as if the listening audience has become their sounding board and allows them to be better communicators with each other without completely flipping their lids and going off on each other. Danielle: In life, once you get out of your routine it’s so easy to lose your momentum. It’s in doing the small things consistently that keep us on track to build the large things; it’s the small and consistent things in marriage that keep a relationship stable and progressing. QUESTION What are you doing consistently inside of your relationship that is noticeably making a difference in the way you feel about and communciate with each other? Point #2: Baby Talk In the land of pregnancy and babies, when a woman is overdue it is a common understanding that having sex helps induce labor. Danielle’s experience with their two previous babies was that within an hour of having sex, the contractions began. Garrett attributes it to his “very aggressive sperm.” Danielle’s well thought out plans for the gender reveal went sideways as the waves washed out the pink and blue smoke bombs she had carefully buried in the sand. Garrett accidentally reveals the gender of the baby during the podcast. QUESTION Did your gender reveal turn out as planned?   Point #3: Family Affair? A lot of times, people think they can only trust their family to watch their kids. Danielle has discovered that having someone other than family members might actually be better for you  and  your kids. From her personal experience, she would rather hire someone to follow her structure and routine instead of having free help from family who want to do their own thing. QUESTION What has been your experience with family members watching your children?   Point #4: On-Demand Babysitter Gone Awry Garrett wanted to have an on-demand babysitter who was always available. He paid her a salary and got her an apartment close by their home so they would have someone ready to care for the kids whenever he and Danielle wanted to go out. It evolved into a sense of entitlement and a situation where Danielle was having to dance around the babysitter’s schedule. Danielle: Finding a babysitter is like building a business. You assume that people you hire will know what to do, but you should  neve r assume. Find someone that you like and then be clear about the outcome you expect while they’re there. Always keep them in check. People want to know  how  to win whether it’s a nanny or an employee and will start to retreat when they don’t know how to please you. QUESTION Have you set clear outcomes and expectations for your babysitters?   Point #5: “Care.com: Your Shit is Legit” By far the best decision Garrett & Danielle have made when it comes to finding a babysitter or nanny for their children is going through care.com. Garrett advises, “Request your babysitters driven by a dollar value, and when they turn in their application, make sure they send you a video.” “You’re investing in the guardianship of your children. If you’re paying a lot of money, set clear outcomes and expectations. If you look at the overall investment on a monthly basis, you’re investing in your marriage. 1-What’s your marriage worth? 2-How much are your children worth?” QUESTION Are you being a cheap bastard when it comes to hiring someone to watch your children? Communication Challenge: Have a conversation about Date Night, and the challenges you are currently facing that are stopping you from going out consistently with your spouse. Get clear about what you want from your marriage, and what you can do to begin making Date Night a top priority in your marriage. Date Night Topic: Have a brainstorming session about the things you and your spouse want to do on your Date Nights for the next couple of months. Quote of the Week: “If you care about your marriage and want things to work out, go on Date Nights. If you care about your communication and sex life, go on Date Nights. To pull that off, you’re going to have to go through some trial and error before you find what works for you.” — Garrett J White “ Whether it’s family or someone you pay, there are really no excuses when it comes to creating Date Night and space for yourselves as a couple. It becomes a matter of making it a priority.” — Danielle K White

The dynamic duo of Garrett J and Danielle K White hold nothing back in this week’s Date Your Wife podcast where they tackle the topic of Communication while candidly exploring the pros and cons of alcohol use in their marriage, the seemingly magical power women have over men, and how wearing frumpy lulu sweat pants and 40 pounds of excess fat around your midsection sends a clear message to your spouse that you don’t give a shit. *This is an encore presentation from April 3, 2018.*   The dynamic duo of Garrett J and Danielle K White hold nothing back in this week’s Date Your Wife podcast where they tackle the topic of Communication while candidly exploring the pros and cons of alcohol use in their marriage, the seemingly magical power women have over men, and how wearing frumpy lulu sweat pants and 40 pounds of excess fat around your midsection sends a clear message to your spouse that you don’t give a shit. *This is an encore presentation from April 3, 2018.* Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Deep Communication Is Vital Communication is vital to your sanity and the health of your marriage. At the end of the day, it’s about getting to a place where you can have hard conversations. Garrett & Danielle used alcohol to support them down that path. It opened up space where they could go deeper, beyond “surface” conversation. It also created the opportunity for them to experience sexuality with each other, even when they were arguing and fighting, which is a part of what kept them going. QUESTION What tools do you use that help you and your spouse have deeper conversations without setting off fireworks? Point #2: When Alcohol Becomes a Problem In time, alcohol was no longer working for them. Garrett had become less patient and was quick to lose his temper with Danielle and their eldest daughter, causing him to decide to walk away from alcohol (at the time of recording this episode.)  Danielle: On Date Nights, drinking was a treat and was fun for us. It allowed us to let go of the day and just relax. After work, I would come home and drink a glass of wine with dinner, but when that one glass turned into two or three, I realized I didn’t really want to be that person drinking a glass of wine every night. QUESTION What habits have you taken on in your marriage that are no longer serving you?  What would it take for you to make the decision to walk away from them? Point #3: Dress the Part How you dress sends a non-verbal message of energy towards your spouse every single day. Date Night changed everything for Garrett. He was dressing in an old plaid shirt, but when he started dressing up, he knew that he looked good and sexy, which translated into energy and confidence. Danielle: I’m a fan of dressing to feel on point. What energy am I putting off? Like I don’t give a shit? Instead of putting on my “mom” outfit, I’m going to throw on some jeans and some cute shoes just to make me feel like I have put myself together for the day. I feel better doing it, and I have a more productive day. QUESTION What changes are you willing to make to your wardrobe to reflect a sexier, more confident you? Point #4: Straight Talk Garrett: There are a lot of women who only dress up once a week on Date Night. I’m not telling you you have to dress up like a princess every single day, all day long. What I am telling you is this: how you dress impacts the energy of what your husband sees when he comes home. If he comes home to the “frumpy sweatpant lulu lady in constant ponytails,” there’s going to be a lack of attraction. Garrett: A vast majority of the married men that I have met are in worse shape than their wives. Men, your body did not go to the shitshow bringing babies into this world. This is like pushing a pumpkin out of your penis. You’re carrying bullshit weight, and your wife’s not turned on about it either – not just because of your body, but because you don’t feel powerful about the way you look. QUESTION Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself: Would I be turned on by my appearance? Point #5: Let Me Hear Your Body Talk Garrett: Let’s pretend that your body is a witness of your commitment to your wife, that what you’ve done to your body and how it looks is currently communicating more to your wife about your commitment to your marriage than anything you’re trying to tell her. It’s not about six-packs, bikini beach bodies, or being super shredded. At the end of the day, you’ve got to be on point about the way you feel about your body, and inside of that, you have to feel on point about how you package yourself. It’s all about energy and what makes you feel confident. QUESTION How do you feel about your body? Communication Challenge: What can you do in the way you are currently presenting yourself to your partner physically? Write down something in the way you dress that would start sending the message, “Hey, I actually care about myself!” Date Night Topic: Talk about what you can do inside of your marriage that would allow you to isolate and discuss one or two of your problems as a couple. Quote of the Week: “To all you men who let their bodies go and never have to carry the children, you haven’t had to get pregnant or carry the baby for nine months and then push a fucking baby out of your penis. You literally have no excuse. You want to get laid, you want to get connected, but what are you communicating to your wife when you come out of the shower in a towel with your extra 30-40 pounds? No matter what, your wife is not turned on by this. Your lights are getting turned down, and there’s no show going on because you’re not actually showing that you give a shit.” — Garrett J White “ Ladies, if you’re in a good mood and your husband’s in a bad mood, don’t let him bring you down to that level. Understand it’s probably not even about you. Walk a little sexy, be flirty, go kiss his ear a little bit, smile, rub up against him, turn on your charm. Whatever they’re pissed about will go away – they just can’t help it!” — Danielle K White

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: Divine Divorce Leads to Divine Destiny There are times when couples are in the midst of great chaos and find themselves knocking on the door of divorce. Because of this, most couples concur that there comes a point in their relationship where they must choose all in…again. Garrett: Although we didn’t get a divorce, there was an emotional separation that took place. We were functionally disconnected, meaning, we were very good at being disconnected. There came a time when the inevitable moment of decision presented itself where we had to make a choice. QUESTION What has been your experience with knocking on the door of divorce? Point #2: Am I With the Wrong Person? The IDEA of a relationship that is in continual bliss and always on fire is evident in the highlight reels that are plastered all over social media, giving others the impression of a fairytale happily-ever-after marriage. This is total bullshit. Garrett: There’s a moment of the Divine Divorce where you as a couple begin to drift but it’s actually setting up the next chapter of your relationship. Danielle: We kept looping back to the same arguments that never got solved, which had me wondering, “Am I with the wrong person?” QUESTION Is what you’re posting on social media a true reflection of the state of your marriage, or is it drenched in hopeful bliss and fantasy? Point #3: It’s Just How It Is Garrett: The vast majority of couples that I meet and connect with inside Wake Up Warrior and BMS are operating in very minimal sexual connection, very minimal emotional and spiritual connection, and are surviving. But the challenge is, they don’t even know they’re surviving. The belief is, “This is just how it is.” If you surround yourself with people who have this belief, it’s not until something traumatic happens where it begins to expose how shitty things really are. In our marriage when the money disappeared, that is when the chaos of our marriage was exposed. QUESTION Where in your world do you have the belief of “it’s just how it is?” Point #4: From Divorce to Divine Divorcement The reality of how people show up in marriage is quite alarming to Garrett. Inside of many relationships he is connected with, he has witnessed many couples where both people are out of shape, they don’t go out on dates, there is no seduction or flirting, and they are in the managing and survival mode. Then they get a divorce. “What blows my mind is the transformation that begins taking place AFTER the divorce, where they blossom into this entirely new person. Instead of having to get divorced, what if you could literally go through a Divine Divorcement?” QUESTION If on the verge of divorce, what would be possible inside your marriage if you considered the possibility of creating new patterns while remainging married? Point #5: It’s a Choice Garrett: No matter how powerfully connected you feel to who you are and what you have, the next version of your relationship as a couple is impossibly held hostage by the current constraints of what you believe is possible today. No matter what state your marriage is in today, there’s another level calling you. And in order to get to that next level, there’s a Divine Divorcement upon you. Divine in the sense that God, through the gift of agency, is giving you an opportunity to choose. QUESTION What are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding your marraige hostage? Communication Challenge: How are you choosing to show up in your marriage? What are you choosing to divorce? Without the divorcement and without the decision to do it, nothing is going to change inside of your relationship. Date Night Topic: Have a conversation about the things that attracted you to each other in the beginning of your relationship. How those have evolved and changed over time? What are some things you can do now to create new chemistry and excitement inside your relationship? Quote of the Week: “There’s a new destiny on the other side of divorce. Divorce is simply choosing to do something different; it’s the laying down and putting aside of that which is old and not working, for something that is new and can work.” — Garrett J White “People underestimate the small consistencies daily that create a big win in life. Stay committed, be patient, and kick your husband in the ass every now and again if he needs it.” — Danielle K White

Previously Aired on April 30, 2019. In this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White are coming to you from the 38th-floor inside a corner suite of the Four Seasons in Las Vegas where they are celebrating Danielle’s 36th birthday. This week’s conversation is about how the unification of your standards with your spouse builds the ultimate standard, and how you can’t pull that off unless you have actually connected with your own standard. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…COMMUNICATION Point #1: Standards   One of the gifts of being married is that we each come into it with radically different standards for life. We have standards about sexuality, parenting, making money, how we spend our time, etc., based upon our past, how we were raised, and our mindsets. Danielle: I do have a high standard based upon how I was raised, but what I also notice is that I’m an extremely experience-based, detailed person who makes me hold things to a different level or standard than most people. QUESTION What are some standards you hold yourself to? Point #2: Tolerance   We tolerate what our standards are. Where this ends up in collision is inside of marriage due to the different standards of each spouse. Garrett has a standard of emotional connection, which is leaving people better than when you first meet them, something that comes very naturally for him. Danielle, on the other hand, will tolerate almost no communication with other people. QUESTION What are some of the differing standards inside your marriage which have been a source for collision? Point #3: It Takes Two to Tango   Garrett: Without my standards for communication, Danielle would have limited her communication. She would never have launched a podcast in the hair industry, nor would she have launched her own salon or training company. Danielle: I hold the standard of where we live and what we wear. When I push to get nicer things in life, we push more in business. And when we push more in business, it not only affects our family, but it also creates multiple job opportunities for multiple families. QUESTION What have your differing standards created inside of your world? Point #4: Own Your Standards   Garrett: We take a stand for each individual to own their identity, where neither one is a doormat or a steamroller, but where we both come to terms with who we are. My standards say we do one thing, and Danielle’s standards say we do another. As you come to own your standards, it allows you actually to embrace the standards of other people. Together, you create this ultimate standard as a couple. You begin to be more committed to each other, and out of that is birthed something deeper than love, which is respect. QUESTION How has owning your individual standards created the ultimate standard inside your marriage? Point #5: Co-creation Garrett: The standards across both sides of co-creation have allowed for Danielle and I to build our brands, our businesses, and our family. The unique side about all of this is there are very few powerful couples taking a stand for marriage that works, which requires you to be clear in your standards. Danielle: I realize that in managing our own empires and managing a marriage – and managing it well – it’s kind of unheard of. We each have huge visions for our brands, and we’re proving that it can be done; that we can have those individual standards but also come together to create more as a couple. QUESTION What have you been able to co-create as a couple that you most likely never would have on your own? Communication Challenge: Where can you push in your relationship to become more together, to grow together, and unite as a couple? Date Night Topic: What can you create as a couple by uniting your individual standards? Quote of the Week: “The mix of standards between a married couple blend together to create the ultimate cocktail of creation.” — Garrett J White “I think we push each other in all the right ways. I think that’s what a relationship is supposed to be: pushing one another to a healthy place .” — Danielle K White

*Episode Replay from September of 2019.* The White’s are back and on fire in this new episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Inarguably one of their spicier therapy sessions yet, in addition to today’s theme of the Karmic Loop, Garrett & Danielle delve into the topics of parenting, fitness, dating, the art of seduction, sex, and have a candid conversation about the loop Garrett has been stuck in for the past two weeks.