DATE YOUR WIFE

Point #1: What is a Stack? A Stack is a series of questions with five variations (Mega, Angry, Happy, Gratitude, Production) that Garrett originally created three years ago to deal with “my fucking rage.” These questions alter the way you are experiencing different relationships, events, and triggers in your life. One of the challenges men have is the inability to express emotion and end up suppressing those emotions, which is the way society has taught, trained and educated men to do over the past 100 years. The whole point of the Stack is to allow you to release the energy that you’re feeling, whether you’re fucking raging, angry, triggered, or happy and get someone to their truth. QUESTION As a man, what has been your experience with sharing your emotions and feelings?   Point #2: Impact There are five different Stacks which serve different purposes. You’ve got the Mega and Angry Stack which allow you to release your rage & emotions, followed by the Happy and Gratitude Stacks, and then finally the Production or War Stack.. The Gratitude Stack requires you to deliberately pause and look back and serves as a powerful tool of connection with your spouse and children. As Garrett has shared these with his children as part of the Core 4 game, he has witnessed first-hand the immense impact it has had on them individually and upon their relationship. QUESTION How has expressing gratitude for your spouse and children affected your relationship with them?   Point #3:  The Gift of Gratitude Danielle shares how expressing gratitude gives you a different perspective.”There are going to be times in your life when you feel like you are in a dark place, and it’s hard to snap out of that. You start to see the world through a negative lens.” “If you take a step back and begin appreciating the good moments, it gives you this sense of gratitude, and everything begins to change. It puts life in a different perspective.” QUESTION What do you notice when you step back and begin seeing life through the lens of gratitude ?   Point #4: INSPIRED From his Gratitude Stack about Danielle, Garrett received insights and revelations about their marriage, and how he feels about her: “Marital and mutual respect is something that takes a long time to uncover, and once it’s found, it’s priceless and profound.” “I sit and look at my wife while five months pregnant and am just inspired. I’m inspired by what it is to be pregnant and have your body do what it does with a little person inside of you who is growing. But of all the things that hits home the most is that she can make the baby AND also smash the shit out of life.” QUESTION What about your spouse inspires you?   Point #5: From Then to Now Garrett: What makes this pregnancy different from the others is that I am grateful for what we’ve become as a couple. In the past, I isolated myself and didn’t know how to deal with the whole pregnancy thing. Danielle: When you look back to how it was eight years ago with our last pregnancy during scary and uncertain times, things are so different this time. We know we’re in a good place right now with life and with marriage, and we’re excited about the next chapter. QUESTION As you step back and look where you’ve been compared to where you are now, what has changed? Communication Challenge: Discuss the art of collision and the ability to hold space for your spouse during intense & direct conversations. Date Night Topic: Make Gratitude the topic of your next Date Night. Share examples and stories of gratitude with each other. If you have access to the Gratitude Stack, do a Stack on each other and then share it during your date. Quote of the Week: “Gratitude is the ability to look back: here’s where we are, here’s where we were, and let’s be grateful for what is.” — Garrett J White “When you’re in a space of gratitude, nothing can get you down. Use it as a protective shield for yourself and your family, and to ultimately feel more powerful in life. When I’m in that space, I feel unstoppable.” — Danielle K White

  Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: People Pleaser or Conflict Avoider? Danielle believes women typically aren’t people-pleasers, they’re conflict avoiders. Some women are so afraid of confrontation that they always try to make peace. “But ultimately it’s not because we’re trying to please people,” offers Danielle, “it’s because we’re trying to avoid conflict, which later on actually causes us more harm.” QUESTION How does this play out in your marriage?   Point #2: On the Hunt As Garrett reflects this topic of conflict, he realizes that “Danielle is a conflict avoider at the highest level. If you go through what has happened with us in the past seventeen years, she has NEVER been a conflict person.” “The only way we could ever have a real conversation was if I brought the collision to her, and then inside of it, I would actually hunt her down and force her to have a serious conversation with me.” QUESTION Who is typically the “hunter” inside your marriage? Point #3:  Hot-Headed When men become hot-headed inside of a conversation, many women refuse to continue on with that conversation, thus making it appear to the men that women are in this place of avoidance. From Danielle’s perspective, “Women recognize when a conversation or argument isn’t in a logical place and is going nowhere. When Garrett flips his lid, and I feel like I can’t reason with him because the conversation is not in a healthy place, I will refuse to continue, knowing that in this state, nothing is going to get solved. QUESTION Who is typically the hot-headed one in your relationship? How does this affect your communication? Point #4: Initiate or Avoid? Garrett admits being more emotional than Danielle, and one who desires to get into a fight and collide. Speaking to Danielle, “You were never an initiator of any type of hard conversation. Your mode was to just swallow it, ignore it, reframe it in your mind, let it go and move on…and pretend like it never happened.” Danielle: I was avoiding confrontation, and was thinking, “Oh, it will go away, it’ll quiet down. I also came to this place where I didn’t know how to have direct conversations with you. QUESTION Inside conflict within your marriage, who typically avoids, and who typically initiates?” Point #5: Therapy After six years of behaviors and patterns that were not serving the White’s, everything came to a head one afternoon during a huge argument in their kitchen where an ultimatum was issued by Garrett: either we’re going to therapy, or we’re done. Danielle: Going to therapy, we both had a logical sounding board to hear one another’s feelings. It helped me open up and communicate better, and I feel like Garrett was able to go deeper into the story or conflict without hitting his tipping point. QUESTION What has been your experience inside the conversation of therapy? Communication Challenge: Have a conversation around the topic of “Avoider or Initiator.” Date Night Topic: During Date Night, have a conversation about the possibility of inserting Therapy into your lives. Quote of the Week: “Therapy gave us a better chance to pull off conflict and be in a conversation that would require both of us to own our shit.” — Garrett J White “In relationships, I think we argue to be right, not to get what we want. I think we both realized that there’s submission in getting what we want which makes us less willing to be right and more willing to get what we want.” — Danielle K White

In this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, Danielle and Garrett explore their Dark side and share how embracing both the Dark and the Light has given them the freedom to find harmony inside of their relationship, within themselves, and with humanity. *Encore presentation from October 2018*   Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast… Point #1: Jekyll and Hyde Danielle:  Everyone is raised to put themselves in a box. As you get comfortable with yourself, you own EVERY side of yourself, including the crazy, but you learn how to manifest the crazy in a productive way. Garrett:  Most people cannot accept that there are literally two sides to them. I spent most of my life putting who I was, away – my desires, the anger, the rage, the fire, the questions, and the sexual desire. QUESTION What part of you are you hiding in a box? Point #2: Super Power Danielle:  I can’t operate as Susan all of the time, so it’s literally learning how to cohesively live together with your multiple personalities. It’s learning how to be cool with yourself and tapping into this dark, crazy side of you, looking at it as your Superpower. For example, I gotta handle some shit in business, so Dark Susan’s coming out. When it’s time to be a wife and a lover, Danielle comes out. Garrett:  Relationship is the ability for a person to be able to be ALL of themselves in that relationship. My mission for myself and for Danielle was to be able to figure out how to be ALL of ourselves. There’s Dark Susan sex, and there’s Danielle sex – totally different sex, both are amazing. As we become more adaptable to ourselves, I think our relationship blows up in a big, beautiful way. QUESTION How do you handle ALL of you? How do you use the different parts of you to your advantage? Point #3: Critical Bitch Garrett:  Danielle has an aspect to her that I deeply love now but that I hated and loathed for most of our marriage, until the last four to five years. This side is what I considered to be Critical Bitch. Whatever was going on, there was always this chipping away, and for most of our relationship I thought, “Fucking crazy woman.” Anything to do with Danielle’s dark side was viewed as wrong, broken, over-thinking. What I had viewed as critical, all of a sudden became powerful. She had the ability to see things clearly amidst the chaos, and not be sucked in by emotion. QUESTION What have you previously viewed as wrong or broken in your spouse, but now view as powerful? Point #4: Embrace the Dark AND the Light Garrett:  When you start accepting that this is true inside of you – the Diabolical AND the Divine – when you come to terms with and embrace and love both sides of you, you start to love and appreciate humanity and people around you at a level you never could before because you’re not fucking hiding anymore. Inside Wake Up Warrior and Big Money Stylist, we lead individuals on this path that accepts the true power of who you are on both extremes: in the Dark AND in the Light, in the Night AND in the Light, so they can ultimately gain the purest sight of being able to see truth. QUESTION What part of you are you suppressing and not embracing? Point #5: Submission vs Sedation Danielle:   How do I get to the end result I’m looking for in a particular situation? What are the steps required? It always requires submission at some level. Ultimately, I’m happier and get what I want. That overall feeling is better than retreating and closing down. Sedation can be a sneaky little bastard, and it can come in many forms. Garrett:  Most couples don’t want to submit, so they sedate. They go to whatever they need to in order to avoid having to collide: they eat, drink, pop pills, ignore, delve into fitness. People go to religion to justify the shitty relationship they’re in; that somehow it will be magical when they die. QUESTION Where inside of your relationship are you sedating to avoid collision? Communication Challenge: How has your upbringing affected your ability to embrace both the Darkness and the Light within you? Date Night Topic: Have a conversation about  your  particular Crazy. What is the name of  your  Dark side? Quote of the Week: “Individually, if you do not come to terms with the fact that you have a brilliant side that is filled with light, and that you have a brilliant side that is filled with Night, that your Crazy offsets your Creator, and that your Creator cannot exist without your Crazy; until you can come to terms with yourself on this, you will never find harmony long-term in a relationship with any other person, specifically with your wife.” –Garrett J White “I think people sedate their blessing. They think their blessing is their curse, so they sedate the thing that can actually give them power. What if you looked at these things as a blessing and not a curse? What if you used these to learn how to navigate through life instead of sedating what God gave you as ‘different?’ What if you learned how to use it to your benefit?” –Danielle K White

Welcome to the Date Your Wife Podcast, aka the White’s weekly therapy session, coming to you for the first time from their new home studio. In this week’s personal and up-close conversation from inside their bedroom, the highlights of this episode include details about Closet Sex, Garrett’s tendency to go to the extreme, the purpose behind this podcast, and business strategies when it comes to dealing with the haters. *This is an Encore presentation from February 2019*   Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: Closet Sex Danielle’s certain she has nailed down the exact time and place of conception of their baby due in July. Knowing her ‘window of pregnancy opportunity’ was wide open, and determined to take full advantage of it, she seduced Garrett one morning as he was on his way out the door. QUESTION Ladies, when and where was the last time you seduced your husband or partner? Point #2: Rivals & Haters Any successful business is always going to have rivals and haters. When you’re new in the game, you take it very seriously and it can be crippling. Garrett: Inside of a relationship, you have to choose you. At the end of the day, if you’re in a relationship that’s not working out, as hard as it might be, you have to take responsibility for the way your marriage is because of you. QUESTION What has been your experience with the “haters” inside of your personal and business life? Point #3: Compromise Danielle: When there’s an end result that I’m looking to get, sometimes I don’t look at the steps I need to take in order to get to that end result. A relationship is a sacrifice and compromise on both ends. There were many times Garrett and I told each other to fuck off. No one goes into a relationship wishing it was shitty. QUESTION What is the current state of your marriage?   Point #4: They’re Going to Talk Shit Garrett: We started down this path of being responsible for our own change as individuals which allowed us to make some very important decisions when it came to business. Part of that process comes from dealing with people who talk shit. In the beginning stage of business, we always believe we’re the exception and that there is something we can do that will have people NOT talk shit about us. QUESTION What is your strategy for dealing with people who talk shit about you or your business? Point #5: The Certainty of Collision Garrett: I think you need to fucking punch people because it helps YOU. When I launched my first podcast filled with explicit lyrics in the Christian category, I was like a knife salesman at a waterbed convention. People began attacking Garrett and were out to take him down. Even though he knew he had brought this on himself, he wasn’t prepared for the incessant heat he was receiving. As he launched his counter-attack on the haters, it began to weaponize him. QUESTION Where in your world have you taken a stand for something, and because of that, have you have received enormous backlash and persecution? Communication Challenge: Have a conversation around this topic: It’s your partner that gives you insight and guidance that no one else will give you; it’s your partner that gives you a swift kick, and it’s hard to receive. Date Night Topic: On your next Date Night, have a steamy conversation about seduction. Quote of the Week: “You don’t have to go looking for haters. The moment you take a stand of any significance, a war of haters will come to your front fucking door who are there to train you on how to be able to effectively and powerfully collide with other human beings..” — Garrett J White “If you can’t take the heat, you’re not strong enough to keep going. People who have had enormous amounts of success have figured out how to move on, say fuck you, have tunnel vision, work harder and smarter, and become the best at what they’re doing.” — Danielle K White

Every week married couple Danielle K and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast…Communication Point #1: Divine Divorce Leads to Divine Destiny There are times when couples are in the midst of great chaos and find themselves knocking on the door of divorce. Because of this, most couples concur that there comes a point in their relationship where they must choose all in…again. Garrett: Although we didn’t get a divorce, there was an emotional separation that took place. We were functionally disconnected, meaning, we were very good at being disconnected. There came a time when the inevitable moment of decision presented itself where we had to make a choice. QUESTION What has been your experience with knocking on the door of divorce? Point #2: Am I With the Wrong Person? The IDEA of a relationship that is in continual bliss and always on fire is evident in the highlight reels that are plastered all over social media, giving others the impression of a fairytale happily-ever-after marriage. This is total bullshit. Garrett: There’s a moment of the Divine Divorce where you as a couple begin to drift but it’s actually setting up the next chapter of your relationship. Danielle: We kept looping back to the same arguments that never got solved, which had me wondering, “Am I with the wrong person?” QUESTION Is what you’re posting on social media a true reflection of the state of your marriage, or is it drenched in hopeful bliss and fantasy? Point #3: It’s Just How It Is Garrett: The vast majority of couples that I meet and connect with inside Wake Up Warrior and BMS are operating in very minimal sexual connection, very minimal emotional and spiritual connection, and are surviving. But the challenge is, they don’t even know they’re surviving. The belief is, “This is just how it is.” If you surround yourself with people who have this belief, it’s not until something traumatic happens where it begins to expose how shitty things really are. In our marriage when the money disappeared, that is when the chaos of our marriage was exposed. QUESTION Where in your world do you have the belief of “it’s just how it is?” Point #4: From Divorce to Divine Divorcement The reality of how people show up in marriage is quite alarming to Garrett. Inside of many relationships he is connected with, he has witnessed many couples where both people are out of shape, they don’t go out on dates, there is no seduction or flirting, and they are in the managing and survival mode. Then they get a divorce. “What blows my mind is the transformation that begins taking place AFTER the divorce, where they blossom into this entirely new person. Instead of having to get divorced, what if you could literally go through a Divine Divorcement?” QUESTION If on the verge of divorce, what would be possible inside your marriage if you considered the possibility of creating new patterns while remainging married? Point #5: It’s a Choice Garrett: No matter how powerfully connected you feel to who you are and what you have, the next version of your relationship as a couple is impossibly held hostage by the current constraints of what you believe is possible today. No matter what state your marriage is in today, there’s another level calling you. And in order to get to that next level, there’s a Divine Divorcement upon you. Divine in the sense that God, through the gift of agency, is giving you an opportunity to choose. QUESTION What are some of the limiting beliefs that are holding your marraige hostage? Communication Challenge: How are you choosing to show up in your marriage? What are you choosing to divorce? Without the divorcement and without the decision to do it, nothing is going to change inside of your relationship. Date Night Topic: Have a conversation about the things that attracted you to each other in the beginning of your relationship. How those have evolved and changed over time? What are some things you can do now to create new chemistry and excitement inside your relationship? Quote of the Week: “There’s a new destiny on the other side of divorce. Divorce is simply choosing to do something different; it’s the laying down and putting aside of that which is old and not working, for something that is new and can work.” — Garrett J White “People underestimate the small consistencies daily that create a big win in life. Stay committed, be patient, and kick your husband in the ass every now and again if he needs it.” — Danielle K White