DATE YOUR WIFE

Garrett and Danielle are proponents of dating your spouse  at least  once a week. They understand that adding young children to the mix can sometimes present a challenge but know that your relationship MUST come first if you want it to last. In this week’s episode, the White’s share tips for what has worked for them (as well as what  hasn’t  worked for them) in their quest to find babysitters and nannies. Where they ultimately hit the jackpot might actually surprise you. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Routines & Consistency Both Garrett and Danielle feel like this podcast has been so good for their marriage. It’s as if the listening audience has become their sounding board and allows them to be better communicators with each other without completely flipping their lids and going off on each other. Danielle: In life, once you get out of your routine it’s so easy to lose your momentum. It’s in doing the small things consistently that keep us on track to build the large things; it’s the small and consistent things in marriage that keep a relationship stable and progressing. QUESTION What are you doing consistently inside of your relationship that is noticeably making a difference in the way you feel about and communciate with each other? Point #2: Baby Talk In the land of pregnancy and babies, when a woman is overdue it is a common understanding that having sex helps induce labor. Danielle’s experience with their two previous babies was that within an hour of having sex, the contractions began. Garrett attributes it to his “very aggressive sperm.” Danielle’s well thought out plans for the gender reveal went sideways as the waves washed out the pink and blue smoke bombs she had carefully buried in the sand. Garrett accidentally reveals the gender of the baby during the podcast. QUESTION Did your gender reveal turn out as planned?   Point #3: Family Affair? A lot of times, people think they can only trust their family to watch their kids. Danielle has discovered that having someone other than family might actually be better for you  and  your kids. From her personal experience, she would rather hire someone to follow her structure and routine instead of having free help from family who want to do their own thing. QUESTION What has been your experience with family watching your children?   Point #4: On-Demand Babysitter Gone Awry Garrett wanted to have an on-demand babysitter who was always available. He paid her a salary and got her an apartment close by their home so they would have someone ready to care for the kids whenever he and Danielle wanted to go out. It evolved into a sense of entitlement and a situation where Danielle was having to dance around the babysitter’s schedule. Danielle: Finding a babysitter is like building a business. You assume that people you hire will know what to do, but you should  neve r assume. Find someone that you like and then be clear about the outcome you expect while they’re there. Always keep them in check. People want to know  how  to win whether it’s a nanny or an employee and will start to retreat when they don’t know how to please you. QUESTION Have you set clear outcomes and expectations for your babysitters?   Point #5: Care.com: Your Shit is Legit By far the best decision Garrett & Danielle have made when it comes to finding a babysitter or nanny for their children is going through care.com. Garrett advises, “Request your babysitters driven by a dollar value, and when they turn in their application, make sure they send you a video.” “You’re investing in the guardianship of your children. If you’re paying a lot of money, set clear outcomes and expectations. If you look at the overall investment on a monthly basis, you’re investing in your marriage. 1-What’s your marriage worth? 2-How much are your children worth?” QUESTION Are you being a cheap bastard when it comes to hiring someone to watch your children? Communication Challenge: Have a conversation about Date Night, and the challenges you are currently facing that are stopping you from going out consistently with your spouse. Get clear about what you want from your marriage, and what you can do to begin making Date Night a top priority in your marriage. Date Night Topic: Have a brainstorming session about the things you and your spouse want to do on your Date Nights for the next couple of months. Quote of the Week: “If you care about your marriage and want things to work out, you go on Date Nights. If you care about your communication and sex life, go on Date Nights. To pull that off, you’re going to have to go through some trial and error before you find what works for you.” — Garrett J White “ Whether it’s family or someone you pay, there are really no excuses when it comes to creating Date Night and space for yourselves as a couple. It becomes a matter of making it a priority.” — Danielle White

(This is an encore presentation of a previously published episode of the Date Your Wife podcast.) In this week’s episode, Garrett and Danielle discuss the importance of communicating with your spouse. They have not always been on the same page as a couple, and for many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship. Inside of that chaos, they discovered the formula that works for them. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Communication in Marriage is the Glue Between Sex, Money, and Kids Garrett and Danielle have not always been on the same page as a couple. For many years they each wondered if their marriage would survive the incessant fights and battles that had become the status quo and mode of communication in their relationship. Danielle learned how to confront and listen to her feelings, communicate, stand up for herself and voice what she was feeling to match Garrett’s strong personality. Garrett struggled with telling the truth and sharing what he was feeling because he felt unsafe in doing so with Danielle. QUESTION How do you and your spouse communicate with each other? Does it create a safe zone or a war zone?   Point #2: The Game of Collision Danielle grew up in a non-communicating and non-hugging family, although she instinctively knew her parents loved her.  Garrett’s family was very touchy-feely and were encouraged to speak openly and freely about what they were feeling and thinking. Hugs and ‘I love you’ were the norm. Garrett recalls, “It was a downright hug fest.” Garrett wanted to share his 42 gallons of feelings with Danielle, but her tiny thimble couldn’t hold that space for him. She wasn’t taught how to communicate and was feeling overwhelmed, which caused her to unknowingly push him away to create breathing space for herself. QUESTION What types of communication styles did you and your spouse experience in your families? How has this affected the way you communicate in your marriage?   Point #3: Show Up and Pay Attention While dating, Danielle and Garrett could talk for hours and hours. After marriage, the filters came off, the grind of daily life set in, and they eventually found themselves drifting into roommate status. There was no connection and no viable communication. His unspoken message that business came first rang out loud and clear to Danielle. Garrett didn’t spend a lot of time seducing Danielle, nor did he pay attention to the needs of his young bride of 20. He was in the work and grind mode which benefited them, yet in the process, he ignored her. He wanted to feel connected to Danielle through sex, touching, and talking – yet that was a complete turn off to her because of their lack of connection and how he wasn’t showing up for her. QUESTION How do you show up for your spouse?     Point #4: What You Focus On, Expands The loss of their spark, trust, and financial stability, coupled with the demise of their communication, created a very difficult environment for them as a couple. They graduated from not communicating at all to all-out fighting mode in every conversation; they wanted to spend time with  other  people, rather than with each other. Garrett was receiving emotional fulfillment by having conversations with his female clients and coworkers. During this time in 2010, while pregnant with their second child, Danielle stopped looking to Garrett as the source of her happiness and breadwinner, and instead began looking within herself with newfound courage to speak freely and to take on life – without him, if necessary – which resulted in the birth of her business. That was also the beginning of the turning point in their marriage. QUESTION Where do you put your energy and focus? How is it enhancing or detracting from your relationship?   Point #5: A Threesome Will Help You Keep Your Game On Point Upon discovering their different Love Languages, Garrett learns he has been giving Danielle what  he  wants to receive, rather than what  she  wants and needs. Couples and individual therapy enabled them to get past the triggers and blowing up stage while keeping them inside the fight and conversation. Garrett shares that therapy and third-party conversations are what saved their marriage. Danielle advises: Be real about your feelings during therapy – even if it means arguing in front of the therapist or spontaneously jumping up and doing burpees and push-ups. QUESTION Are you giving your spouse what  you  want to receive, or are you giving them what  they want and need?   Communication Challenge: Begin discovering your love languages and take action on giving to your spouse what  they  want and need.   Date Night Topic: Engage in the conversation with your spouse about starting therapy together.   Quote of the Week: “The thing that saves our marriage more than anything, is Date Night. It’s the simplest part of the form of the game in restoring communication, connection, passion, fashion, love, and everything else inside of marriage.” — Garrett J White “ A lot of time with the love languages, it’s not  your  love language, but you get to cross that boundary to get your own fucking love language met. I used to say, ‘I don’t want to do this. It’s not me. It’s not how I was raised.’ I learned quickly that if I want my needs met, I have to serve him – and vice-versa.” — Danielle White

Garrett and Danielle ring in the New Year with news of baby White who is due to join the family in late July. In this first episode of 2019, the White’s have a conversation that is all about babies and children, and how much they change the game in all areas of a couple’s life. Point #1: New Beginnings Early last year after announcing their pregnancy to a room of three thousand people, Garrett discovered that Danielle had miscarried their baby, a sad and rough experience for them all. After a fun-filled summer of adventure, Danielle realized that if she wanted to have another baby it was “now or never.” Even at the young age of 35, she falls into the ill-named category, “Advanced Maternal Age.” QUESTION What new beginnings are you currently experiencing? Point #2: Change Is In the Air Both Garrett and Danielle agree that no one can really prepare for and comprehend how much a baby and children change your life. Danielle: Having kids pushes you to do things you didn’t think were possible. It fast-tracks you. It brings out this maturity and responsibility and gives you this sense of purpose. QUESTION What changes are you anticipating or experiencing in 2019?  Point #3: The Shift Garrett: I don’t think a human being can fully grasp the intensity of what it is to be a human being without birthing or raising a human being. It creates a shift. There are a lot of people who are anti-children. What makes that so ironic is, if someone would have had the same thought process as  they’re  having, they wouldn’t fucking exist. QUESTION What is the shift you have experienced as a result of having children?  Point #4: Legacy When Garrett turned 40, he started thinking about his children and his legacy in a way that he had never before considered. “Not being married and not having children, there’s no fucking way I’d work this hard.” Both Garrett and Danielle believe that women are a motivating factor when it comes to men working hard and producing and remember Garrett’s fierce drive for work when they were dating. QUESTION How does having a wife and children affect your drive to produce? Point #5: Mixed Signals Garrett: When you’re pregnant, there’s some kind of endorphin that releases from you that fucks with the sexual mojo for a man. There’s a shield that blocks my balls. I  want  to be all over you but I just can’t. From a woman’s perspective, Danielle understands and appreciates the sensitivity, yet there are times when she doesn’t want to be treated like she is pregnant; she wants instead to experience that sexual energy between them. QUESTION How do you handle sexual intimacy during pregnancy? Communication Challenge: Begin the conversation of Legacy and what that looks like inside of your relationship.   Date Night Topic: Date Nights and Get-a-ways: Grab your calendar and begin brainstorming & planning what you want to do together in 2019. Go outside the box and get adventurous! Quote of the Week: “It’s almost like your body is sending some sort of signal to me that’s saying, “Thank you, you’re not welcome here.” — Garrett J White “Having kids pushes you to do things you didn’t think were possible. It fast-tracks you. It brings out this maturity and responsibility and gives you this sense of purpose.” — Danielle K White

*This week's episode is a special encore presentation of a previously published episode of the Date Your Wife podcast.* This week Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of money as dual producers. Their marriage was on the verge of divorce when Danielle found motivation to take care of herself as a possible single parent, ultimately leading to the success we see today with her salon, DKW Styling, and in her technique known as Natural Beaded Rows.   Point #1: Inside the Pit of Chaos During the time they were knocking on the door of divorce, Garrett was reeling from the market crash and had stopped producing. There’s an interesting game that plays out inside of money when the man isn’t producing, and together they were trying to figure it all out. During that transition, it really depolarized them as a couple energetically. Danielle realized she could help out financially and began turning her business into something more than a hobby. She wanted to be taken care of and also wanted to have freedom from the guilt of buying nice things for herself, remembering how her mother worked so their family could have nice things beyond their basic needs. QUESTION How have you seen your roles altered inside your marriage when financial challenges have arisen? Point #2: The Fight For the Throne There was this huge shift of power that came about because of money. Garrett went from the king of the castle to the servant of the queen who had her feet on both thrones while simultaneously wearing both the King’s crown and the Queen’s crown. This is the reality of production: it’s not just about the topic of money, it’s about the power play of production. Many times when a man loses the ability to produce and provide, and loses trust inside of that relationship, the woman is forced to go into masculine mode in order to produce, which creates this whole different dynamic and challenge. Garrett was under assault and fighting for the throne that Danielle was sitting on. Gentlemen, you’re not getting the throne until you prove that you’re actually the man. QUESTION Where are you as a couple in this Game of Thrones?  Point #3: From Gucci’s to Steel Toed Dude Shoes Danielle felt like she was the man in the relationship. If Garrett was trying to control her she’d tell him “you don’t have a fucking leg to stand on right now.” She was constantly annoyed by him and always trying to pull the rug out from under him which led to a lot of wars. When Garrett started becoming more consistent, Danielle felt that the safety net was back and she could start letting up a little on her intensity of the hustle and grind. As she let up on the gas, Garrett began getting in her face to prove he was more powerful. They started to go to war in a different direction which killed their ability to communicate. QUESTION How have you experienced this dynamic as a couple?  Point #4: Selective Cheap Bastard Mode Danielle: Garrett’s not big on any holiday. Most people look forward to holidays but he doesn’t. My love language is all about the gifts, but his isn’t. He’ll give a bum $40 and yet forget my birthday or won’t do anything for it. I’ve now figured out a little trick that gets me what I want from Garrett. Garrett: There will be times when Danielle wants to do something financially and I am thinking “this is ridiculous, there’s no fucking way, I don’t get it.” On the flip side, when it comes to rebuilding a salon, I’ll turn the switch on and Danielle goes into cheap bastard mode saying, “No!” My justification with money is: if it’s an investment, I put the money in. QUESTION What are your ‘Cheap Bastard Modes?’ What dynamic does that create in your relationship? Point #5: The Collision Inside the Money Game After eight months of not going to battle, they found themselves in the middle of a war zone recently around the topic of business. This reminded Garrett of a ‘shit show’ they created years back while dining in a quaint little restaurant in Beverly Hills, where they were both losing their minds and Garrett was ready to throw the table across the room. Garrett: It comes down to this: People want to feel validated in their desires with money. I want to feel validated inside my world when it comes to what I want financially, and you want to feel validated that your opinion matters when it comes to what you want financially. QUESTION  Do you battle often as a couple? How much of that is ‘healthy collision’ and how much of it is a down right war zone?   Communication Challenge: Begin the conversation of validation and what it looks like for each of you inside of your relationship.     Date Night Topic: What is going to be the next stretch for you two as a couple financially that will pull you two forward? For us, it was our new home. What will it be for you?   Quote of the Week: The moment I began to see that my family was an investment, I began to see the value in myself even more.” — Garrett J White “If you are trying to go to the next level in any area of your life, just take a look at what is possible. A lot of people focus on their current reality and think, “I can’t possibly go there” instead of asking, “What if?” or “I wonder?” We are both entrepreneurs, and I know that moving forward is always an option, regardless of where we currently are.” — Danielle K White

*This is a special encore presentation of a previously published episode of the Date Your Wife podcast.* The White’s juggle children, sandwiches and grocery lists in the opening of today’s podcast, demonstrating yet again that they are keeping things real and raw. Between the flirting, bantering, sexual innuendos, and Danielle revealing what she really thinks about penises, it’s no wonder their’s is the only explicitly rated podcast in the category of Parenting and Family, as they are willing to take topics where others are not. Sit back and enjoy today’s conversation on the topic of Sex. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Lazy Sex Danielle: It’s not like I don’t want to put in the effort, but I don’t   always  want to put in the effort.  On my laziest days I don’t just lay there and do nothing, but there are ways to service your man without getting really into it. Garrett: Does this mean that women are sexually lazy? Servicing your man is important, regardless of what the servicing looks like. A lot of women don’t get this. QUESTION When you have sex, even quickie sex, do you experience connection or is it more like vaginal masturbation? Point #2: Tips For Traveling Garrett: When men are traveling, it doesn’t matter for 2 days or 2 weeks, they experience an increased sexual drive. It happens even if it’s just overnight. There is an increased sexual spike of being gone from their wife in which sexual desire increases. When guys are gone for a bunch of days it is very easy for them to end up in the trap of porn. This is a very big issue for guys. Danielle: If your guy is traveling, I think it’s a good idea to have sex the night before they go. Ladies, just get it done. Little things like that will make your relationship better and when he goes out of town he’s going to be more focused. I learned the hard way. It’s not that big a deal and it’s actually a win-win where we both are getting what we want. QUESTION What happens when you follow this formula? What happens when you don’t? Point #3: Pouty Mode Garrett went into pouty mode for 10 years because he felt so out of control inside of their relationship when it came to sex. He felt that Danielle held all of the cards and that she didn’t give a shit. Danielle: I found that pouty mode super unattractive. As Garrett shifted his energy, it gave me room to breathe. He just stopped asking and didn’t bring so much pouty energy to the table.  That’s when I started changing my story about Quickies and QQP was born. QUESTION What energy is present when pouty mode enters the picture in your relationship? Point #4: Women Are Like Crockpots Garrett: You tell me to warm you up first and then worry about myself. What does that look like? You have guys who don’t worry about their wife at all and worry about their own orgasm, then you have guys who are worried about their wife’s orgasm – there’s even a book called, “She Comes First.” Danielle: I don’t agree with that and I’m going to tell you why from a girl’s perspective. Warm her up first and then worry about yourself. I like to be warmed up, but if I go first, I’m less into you. It’s a song and dance, really. We’re both at the finish line: if I go first and you come right after me, it’s like we cross the finish line together. QUESTION What does your dance look like? Point #5: Hobbies Bring Fulfillment Garrett got to the point where he began relying on his masturbation toy and started drinking more. He went into a place of suppression, where he literally didn’t give a shit. At Danielle’s suggestion, he took up surfing, which has been an exceptionally good fit for him. Danielle: I suggested he take up surfing because I felt it would be something that he would enjoy. He comes back happy and full of this great energy, plus it gives me more space. He has a mistress called surfing and I’m fine with that mistress. QUESTION What hobbies do you both enjoy that add positive energy and breathing space inside of your relationship? Communication Challenge:  Talk about the ways you like being serviced by your spouse – and then go experiment. Date Night Topic: Begin the conversation around this idea of “Warm her up, worry about you.” What does that look like inside of your marriage? Quote of the Week: “When you are both on point together and he goes on a trip, apply the simple strategy of having Date Night and sex the night before you go – whether you’re fighting or angry or not – if you do this, life is going to be better. Your man’s going to go hunt more powerfully, which means that when he’s gone he’s going to be more productive in business; he’s not going to go to porn because he’s going to feel connected to you while he’s gone.” — Garrett J White “If it has been awhile since you have seen him and he comes back into town, just get it out of the way. I used to be standoffish and we would end up getting into fights. My advice is just get it off the table and out of the way. It doesn’t have to be a big show, just do it. He will become like putty in your hands.” — Danielle K White