How Not To Suck At Divorce: Divorce Advice and Relatable Humor

• 181. The "Silent Divorce" - What To Do if You're Not Ready to File

  This episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for:How to prepare for divorce without filingEmotional separation before divorceHow to survive the holidays before divorceWhat is a silent divorce?How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)Divorce timing strategyHow to protect kids during separationIf you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet.If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it.Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios:1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting.2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea.You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes.Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:✔ What a “silent divorce” actually isHow emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers.✔ Signs you’re in a silent divorce– Minimal communication– Loss of intimacy– Roommate vibes– Emotional loneliness– Avoidance of conflict– No partnership energy✔ If both partners know divorce is comingDo this:Keep things predictableSet temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)Treat this time as preparation, not limbo✔ If only you know divorce is comingDo this:Understand your secrecy is not deceit — it’s strategyConfide in only ONE trusted personStart preparing emotionally, financially, and legally✔ Why timing matters (especially during the holidays)Morgan explains why the holiday season is almost never the right moment for a divorce announcement — legally, strategically, and emotionally.Andrea shares how to survive the “holiday performance pressure” without pretending everything is perfect.✔ How to handle parenting when you're silently divorcingSimple scripts, routines, and communication tips to help keep kids grounded and minimize emotional fallout.✔ The #1 thing that reduces divorce fear: preparationFear = confusionConfidence = clarityThis episode shows you how to take the first steps safely, smartly, and privately.“A silent divorce is not a selfish move — it is a strategic move.”“You don’t have to file today to...

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• 180. The Divorce Negotiation Tool That Will Change Your Case

  Emotions don’t win in divorce court — facts and strategy do. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, divorce attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian-turned-divorce-advocate Andrea Rappaport walk you through how to negotiate your divorce like a pro using their THINK framework:T – Take the emotion out of itH – Have realistic non-negotiablesI – Identify their pain pointsN – Negotiate from facts, not feelingsK – Keep your BATNA in mind (your best backup plan)If the idea of mediation, settlement conferences, or sitting across from your ex makes you want to hide in a hole, this episode is your game plan. You’ll learn how to work with your lawyer instead of against them, what’s actually realistic to ask for, how to use what you know about your ex as legal leverage, and why clinging to your emotions can cost you big money, time, and sanity.Whether you’re just starting your divorce, heading into mediation, or trying to wrap up a long, exhausting case, this episode will help you stay out of court if possible, save money, and make smarter decisions for you and your kids.In This Episode, We Cover:Why “facts win” in divorceHow emotions spiral, stories get twisted, and why judges and mediators care about documents, numbers, and timelines — not drama.T = Take the emotion out of itAndrea’s “Ziploc bag and freeze your feelings like a 2018 pot roast” strategyHow to notice when you’re triggered in mediation (hello, Brenda and Chad)What to say to your lawyer when you’re about to lose it — and when to zip it and let them speak for youH = Have realistic non-negotiablesThe difference between must-haves and nice-to-havesWhy “I want 100% custody” usually isn’t realisticHow to decide which holidays, financial terms, or parenting provisions are truly non-negotiableMorgan’s example of a client who refused to accept any end date on maintenance — and why that was realistic in her caseI = Identify their pain pointsHow to “play detective” and figure out what your ex really cares about (ego, money, reputation, time with kids, a specific property, etc.)Morgan’s story of using a husband’s obsession with a particular property to get her client more money on the balance sheetWhy negotiation is less about what you want and more about what motivates themN = Negotiate from facts, not feelingsWhy you should write your facts in clear bullet points, not emotional paragraphsHow “friend of the family” promises and verbal side deals (hi, John 🙃) don’t count in courtThe power of real numbers and real documents: appraisals, bank statements, incomes, and written offersK = Keep your BATNA in mindWhat BATNA actually means in divorce: Best Alternative to a Negotiated AgreementHow to think about your “backup plan” if mediation doesn’t work — i.e., what a judge is likely to do with your factsWhy knowing your BATNA calms panic, helps you avoid low-ball offers, and keeps you from spending more on legal fees than you stand to gainWhen it’s actually smarter to stop fighting, accept a good-enough deal, and go homeWhat to really expect from mediationWhy the first day of mediation often feels “wasted” and why it’s actually valuable intelHow good lawyers use...

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• 179. Here's Where You're Screwing up: Divorce Truths

  If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.What You’ll Learn in This Episode1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy youThe legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revengeMorgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategyWhy your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOUYour ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disastersHow to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OKAndrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.8. Do NOT fire off emotional textsUse a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret. Hard Truths from This EpisodeThe legal system is not designed to make you feel better.Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.Your attorney isn’t your therapist.Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.⏱️ Timestamps00:00 — Hard truth: nothing about divorce is “fair”00:05 — Why the legal system will NOT give you justice or revenge00:21 — Show intro01:12 — Morgan’s chaotic morning + the freight elevator monkey situation02:38 — Why a small client gift boosted the entire legal team03:26 — Andrea’s shocking weekend text to Morgan04:30 — Kim Kardashian’s “All’s Fair”: Andrea’s surprising review05:36 — HARD TRUTH #1: Lower your expectations08:43 — How to “bet on yourself” when everything feels unstable10:08 — The

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• 178. How "Why" Can Change the Course of Your Divorce- with Cary J Mogerman Esq.

  If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning.This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY.When is asking why strategic?And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)?To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically.Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers.https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/In this conversation, you’ll learn:Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer questionHow to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverageWhy understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediationThe one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insaneWhen your lawyer should break things down in plain languageWhy slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disasterHow to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questionsWhy the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with thatHow to advocate for yourself without apologizingPLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing.This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer.Key Takeaways1. Not All “Why” Questions Are Helpful“Why is this happening?”“Why is he acting like this?”“Why is she being crazy?”These are human questions—but not legal ones.They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours.2. Strategic Why’s Are POWERFULWhy are we filing this motion?Why is this our mediation plan?Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue?These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective case.3. Your Lawyer Should Explain Everything in Plain LanguageCary breaks down why attorneys NEED to simplify their communication—and why you should never feel embarrassed asking:“Can you explain that in normal-person English?”4. Your Spouse’s Triggers = Your StrategyYou know your spouse better than anyone.Your insights help your attorney negotiate smarter and faster.5. Don’t Make Split-Second Decisions During Emotional SurgesYou’re not being chased by a bear.Slow down. Breathe. Don’t respond immediately.You can literally save thousands of dollars by...

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• 177. The Co-Parenting Secret That Can Transform Your Divorce | With TEDx Speaker, Jon Bassford, JD, MBA

  If the idea of “healthy co-parenting” makes you want to throw your phone, this episode is for you. Comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill sit down with co-parenting expert and bestselling author Jon Bassford, JD, MBA, CAE, whose real-life story of turning a hostile divorce into a functional, daily-communication co-parenting dynamic will shock you—in the best way.Jon's new book, The Co-Parenting Secret: It's Not About You, doesn't sugarcoat the difficulty or pretend everyone can be friends. Instead, it offers a revolutionary reframe: stop thinking about "my time" or "their time" and start thinking about your child's life. It challenges the toxic win/lose mindset and offers a new model: collaborative parenting focused on emotional safety, communication, and showing up for your kid every time.His message resonates with divorced, separated, dating-but-split, or any parents navigating two-home situations, because it's not about having a friendly ex or following a perfect plan. It's about making intentional choices that prioritize your kids above your own convenience, preferences, or pride.Jon is also a TEDx speaker, CEO of Lateral Solutions, and brings 20+ years of executive leadership to his work but this book isn't about applying business frameworks to family life. It's about the messy, honest journey of getting co-parenting right after getting it wrong.Jon didn’t start with unicorns and rainbows. There was resentment, trash-talking, incompatible living… the whole messy thing. But he learned the intentional steps that transform co-parenting from a battleground into actual teamwork. In this episode, we dig into what co-parenting looks like when it’s real, what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate, and why saying “Of course” instead of “Fine” could change literally everything.Whether you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel-parenting with someone who refuses to meet you halfway, or just trying to not lose your mind over a simple schedule swap, you’ll walk away with mindset shifts, scripts, action steps, and legal strategy you can use TODAY.Key Takeaways1. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Start Perfect — It EvolvesJon and his ex did not get along at first. There was hostility, miscommunication, and resentment — just like what most people experience. Progress happens in baby steps, not giant leaps.2. Saying “Of Course” Isn’t About Your Ex — It’s About YouYour instinct is to say “no.” That’s human. But dropping your guard and choosing calm over chaos immediately changes your internal state. Less spiraling, less anger, less anxiety.3. Strategic Co-Parenting Helps You in CourtMorgan breaks down how tools like Our Family Wizard create evidence showing you are the reasonable parent. If a judge ever needs to get involved, this matters A LOT.4. Letting Go Isn’t Weak — It’s SurvivalJon explains how resentment destroys your peace more than it punishes your ex. Letting go isn’t excusing behavior — it’s freeing yourself.5. Your Why Keeps You GroundedCo-parenting gets easier when you know why you’re doing it: stability for your child, emotional peace for yourself, and a healthier long-term dynamic.Timestamps00:00 — Why “our natural reaction is to say no”00:17 — Morgan explains the legal strategy behind saying “yes”00:31 — What saying “of course” does for you00:57 — Andrea on isolation during divorce01:12 — Why connecting with community matters01:27 — Truly Engaging partnership + holiday card...

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