Ask Christopher West

🏔️ This episode of ACW is sponsored by Ascension’s Alto! Signup for Ascension’s Alto here with discount code ASK10

Questions answered this episode:
Since we've been married, my wife has been pregnant twice, and both times we lost the baby around eight weeks gestation. Due to my wife's anatomy, we needed to do a dilation and curettage, D&C. After the second miscarriage, I learned that a D&C often includes suction—the same procedure abortionists perform to kill unborn babies. Months later, I'm still struggling with this, even after discussing it with my moral theology professor and therapist. Is it true that the D&C originated as a treatment for miscarriage and was later misused? How can I come to terms with this if it becomes necessary another time?
I saw a video where a Buddhist teacher explained that we wrongly identify ourselves with our body and mind. The body and mind are objects subject to pain and defects; they are not you. Yet, by identifying with them, their problems mistakenly become your problems, causing suffering. Could you explain how this teaching differs from Christian theology of the body, and whether there are any similarities? Am I mistaken in feeling today's society is moving in a Buddhist direction and drifting away from the Christian perspective? Are there any comparative resources you could recommend to me?
I met my fiancé two years ago and got engaged early this year. In college, I had a few experiences with guys I dated where we crossed the line. We didn't go all the way, but other sexual activities occurred. Because I'm truly in love with my fiance, I'm terrified of repeating that kind of lust. When we passionately kiss, I worry it's lustful and that I'm not loving him properly. How can I let go of those past mess ups so they don't affect today? My fiance also struggles with feeling that what I share with him won't be a first for me.

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

📸 Animation by Joshua Masterson, the Catholic Cartoonist. Joshua’s Instagram

📩 Submit your question to Christopher and Wendy
⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the TOB Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join Become: the TOBI Community 

Theology of the Body Institute Resources:
🔥 Begin your TOB journey here
⚡️ Find your people & grow together in Become: the TOBI Community
📚 Course schedule
🏔️ Pilgrimages
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Christopher West:
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*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

🏔️ This episode of ACW is sponsored by Ascension’s Alto! Signup for Ascension’s Alto here with discount code ASK10

Questions answered this episode:
We're in our early 40s, and TOB has healed our marriage, our wounds and desires. Raised Catholic, rules protected us, but when they became the center, they created shame and fear. What drew us was not "avoid fun and desire," but "let Christ in it." What saddens us is how often Catholics who know TOB still look anxious and controlled. TOB can still sound more like "avoid danger" than "become free." Why does this instinct survive where the theology's rich, but the tone feels over-cautious and rule-centered? We'd like to witness a Christianity in which the closer Christ comes to our bodies, desires, and ordinary lives, the freer and more fully alive we become.
My wife and I have been married for 6 months, and were both virgins when we got married. For these past 6 months, she has not experienced a climax during our intimacy. We've tried a few different things including foreplay, different positions, and prolonging my own climax, but nothing seems to be helping. It is hard on her, feeling left out of the marital act, and hard as a man to feel less than adequate to please my wife. Where would you advise a young couple like us to go from here? What are your recommendations for this struggle?
I'm a cradle Catholic, happily married, 40-year-old mom of three children. My question feels very embarrassing and uncomfortable, but I don't know where else to go with it. I've recently begun going to Eucharistic adoration and have been growing my prayer life and praying for the Holy Spirit to stay close to me. Twice recently while I have been in adoration and deeply in prayer, I feel myself becoming sexually aroused. Eucharistic adoration has always brought about tears while I'm in prayer, but this feeling of arousal is new and feels shameful. Because of the feelings of shame, I've been going to adoration less often to avoid the feeling. Please help me to understand what I'm experiencing and is this sinful?⁠⁠

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

📸 Animation by Joshua Masterson, the Catholic Cartoonist. Joshua’s Instagram

📩 Submit your question to Christopher and Wendy
⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the TOB Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join Become: the TOBI Community 

Theology of the Body Institute Resources:
🔥 Begin your TOB journey here
⚡️ Find your people & grow together in Become: the TOBI Community
📚 Course schedule
🏔️ Pilgrimages
🛍️ Store 

Christopher West:
📸 Instagram
🔵 Facebook

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

This episode of ACW is sponsored by Ascension’s Alto!

I'm wondering if you have advice on how to handle a situation where kindness is interpreted as romantic interest. I want to treat others with dignity and view them the way God sees them. However, I've been in situations where a male friend will interpret this as romantic interest. Even when I politely decline and express that I only desire to be friends, I wonder if their agreement to remain friends is truly uncomplicated. I get the sense that they may still be hoping I'll change my mind. How can I navigate opposite-sex friendships in a warm and charitable way, while not unintentionally giving someone false hope or causing greater hurt?
In the 1860s, there was a dialogue amongst Calvinists that referred to the Holy Spirit as possessing womanly attributes. The thought was, since both man and woman are created in the image of God, and two members of the Trinity are decidedly masculine, there must naturally be a member who bequeathed the feminine nature of woman, leaving the Holy Spirit as the natural conclusion. I sense that this line of thought is deeply flawed, but I would love a definitive counterargument. This is purely for academic purposes and not a question of urgency or crisis of faith.
I am a Catholic man in his mid-twenties, and am engaged to be married in the spring. I'm increasingly afraid that I'm blurring the lines between chaste desire and attraction, and lust. Shortly after we got engaged, I had a setback with masturbation, and I'm afraid it's becoming a pattern. I try to be honest with her, and she's so patient and gracious. I feel like my sin recently hasn't been so much a sin of lust, but of impatience. How do I go deeper in my healing now that sexual intimacy is close, and communicate that healing with my fiancée?I am a Catholic man in his mid-twenties, and am engaged to be married in the spring. I'm increasingly afraid that I'm blurring the lines between chaste desire and attraction, and lust. Shortly after we got engaged, I had a setback with masturbation, and I'm afraid it's becoming a pattern. I try to be honest with her, and she's so patient and gracious. I feel like my sin recently hasn't been so much a sin of lust, but of impatience. How do I go deeper in my healing now that sexual intimacy is close, and communicate that healing with my fiancée?

🏔️ Signup for Ascension’s Alto here with discount code ASK10: https://ascension-press.linkjolt.io/l/ask-christopher-west-podcast

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Course Schedule UTAH Ski Trip with Christopher West April 5-9, 2026

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Animation by Joshua Masterson, the Catholic Cartoonist. Check him out:
Joshua's website: https://www.the-catholic-cartoon.com/
📸 Joshua Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_catholic_cartoonist/?hl=en

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⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠
🎟️ Event Schedule
📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule
🏔️ Pilgrimages
🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

This episode of ACW is sponsored by Ascension’s Alto!

Questions answered this episode:
When I was 11, I was in a horrible car wreck. My mother and two younger brothers were killed, and I was critically injured. I learned to swallow the pain from my trauma for years. Six years ago, after having my first child, I got help and healing began. Becoming Catholic started my spiritual healing. A priest talked about joy in bearing our cross. I did not choose this cross, but I started thinking about inviting Jesus into my trauma. Your podcast opened a place in my soul I had closed off. I want to connect my cross to Jesus. Any tips on how I can enter into that journey?
I've been dating my girlfriend for two and a half years and thinking of proposing, but now I'm not so sure. We talked about marriage and agree on waiting a year before having kids. However, when I mentioned practicing natural family planning, she had never heard of it and felt scared and at risk. She doesn't think it's fair for a man to deposit his seed every time and suggested pulling out. Now I'm wondering whether to continue pursuing her. How can I have a better conversation with her, or handle making that difficult call? My heart is aching for an answer.
I'm a cradle Catholic, married this summer to a faithful Catholic man, and we are navigating communication challenges. While he focuses on the meaning behind words, I am sensitive to their delivery. I struggle to look past a raised or dismissive tone, partly because I witnessed my father speak harshly to my mother. Harsh words or a raised voice affect me deeply and bring me to tears. Am I being overly sensitive in wanting to be spoken to gently by my spouse? How can I become more emotionally resilient, and how much should tone and manner of communication matter within a marriage?

🏔️ 🏔️ Signup for Ascension’s Alto here with discount code ASK10

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TOB 1 In Person Course Jun 12-18 2026

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Animation by Joshua Masterson, the Catholic Cartoonist. Check him out:
Joshua's website: https://www.the-catholic-cartoon.com/
📸 Joshua Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_catholic_cartoonist/?hl=en

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:
I have four kids, ages 10 and under. We as humans are made body and soul, and our bodies are made to express loving connections to one another. I lean towards gentle parenting—hugging my kids often and holding their hands when they fall asleep. Sometimes I feel guilty because there isn't enough of me to go around. I feel like the older ones should need less physical touch as they grow up, yet they still yearn for it. I don't want to baby my kids, but I don't want to shun them. How can I parent in a way that balances how we are made, body and soul?
In the last two years, I've had a deep crisis trying to return to Christ after living in sin. I struggle with same-sex attraction. I believe in Catholic Church teachings and marriage, but I feel stripped away from this beauty. This thorn in my flesh forbids me from waiting for someone God will send. Priests choose celibacy, but my other choice feels like hell. Can you understand my pain? It brings anger toward God and difficulty trusting Him. Hearing about the theology of the body feels like a knife crossing my heart. What answer exists for pain so big and misunderstood as disobedience?
I've embraced being single as a gift from God for years. After recent events in my life, I thought I would be called to single life for another few years and was very excited. However, I've just met someone I feel a strong pull to and peace about dating. I love being single and have trouble giving it up. I believe this man is a gift from God, but am I allowed to remain single if I wish? How do you have the courage to say yes to dating for marriage? What are some benefits of marriage?

Marian Mystery Course November 2026
Course Schedule UTAH Ski Trip with Christopher West April 5-9, 2026
[Desert Stream Ministries](https://www.desertstream.org/)

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠